18 years (Mature content) (Complete)

Chapter 14

"Alex. I was surprised when I got your call."

Harvey lead me into the conservatory at the back of his bungalow. The room was bright and made almost completely from glass. It was bare apart from a chair in the middle of the room, a bookshelf and a potted plant in each corner. It was clinical and not like the stereotypical bookcases and dark wooden darks. That was a comfort at least.

"Thank you for seeing me at such short notice," I replied, "David doesn't know I'm here."

"That's fine. He doesn't need to know if you don't want him to. Doctor-patient confidentiality," Harvey told me, "Would you like some water or anything?"

I shook my head, "No thanks."

He gestured towards the chair which I sat in. He wheeled his chair to be opposite me about four feet away. I sat on the edge and kept my back upright. I couldn't explain why I was so tense. Probably because of what I was here to talk about.

"You sounded urgent. What's up?" He asked.

"I'm here for advice more than anything," I breathed deeply, "Remember when I left the cafe last week to run an errand?"

"Yes."

"I went to get a pregnancy test," I blurted, "The thing is I was freaking out because my period was two weeks late at the time. The latest it had ever been was a week and a half so two freaked me out and...."

"Alex slowly down," Harvey said calmly, "Just breathe."

I breathed in and out deeply three times. I felt myself relaxing.

"I'm pregnant. Just less than a month along. The thing is I don't know whether to abort it and not tell David, or tell him then abort it," I said.

"Why abort it at all?" Harvey asked neutrally, "David has always wanted a family."

I nodded, "I know but I just can't be a mother. I know David wouldn't freak out and leave me if I told him but I'll fail this child. I know it's selfish but I never had good role models so I wouldn't know where to begin. A nineteen year old ex-prostitute and a thirty seven year old ex-addict? I can't do that to a child."

"You said the age gap wasn't a problem," Harvey pointed out, "Nor your pasts."

"It's not for me but imagine the parents evenings. People with either think the mum and the grandfather is there or the dad and the older sister," I said, "I'll screw up this kids life."

He sat forward slightly, "You said that you wouldn't be a good mother because you didn't have a role model but surely that would make you a better mother because you'll work hard to be the role model for your child that you never had?"

I sighed, "Harvey I need your honest opinion. Speaking as a therapist and a sponsor and not as David's friend, would you say I should tell him? Should I risk keeping it? Should I risk it growing up and hating us?"

"Why would the baby hate you?" Harvey asked.

I bit my lip and sighed. This is what I hadn't wanted to explain but I knew I would have to.

"I love David. He is the drug I'm addicted to. I'm afraid I'll neglect my baby because I'm addicted to David touch. His kiss. His sex," I replied honestly, "But please be honest. Should I risk keeping the baby?"

Harvey sighed and wheeled himself forward. He held my hands on his.

"David has probably told you my story. My daughter is now almost twenty four and has two kids of her own. I have them now. They are my only family and I wouldn't have that if my ex partner Mary and I hadn't decided against the abortion path," he told me, "Professional as a therapist I say tell him as it will remove weight from your shoulders. As a sponsor I also say tell him or else if he finds out later on it could cause him to relapse from the guilt of thinking himself to blame because you were ashamed of his past or of the age gap. As your friend I say tell him and keep it. Yes you are young but David isn't getting any younger. I can tell from the way you sit and speak about abortion that you do want to have this baby and don't wish to abort it. So don't!"