JUST HIM (Z.M-a.u)

CHAPTER 20

He thinks it's his fault. He thinks I've been ignoring him because he did something wrong. And he's going crazy trying to figure it out.

I feel so guilty. He thinks he has to say sorry, when in reality the one that should be apologising is me. He's trying to be friends again while I'm being a coward.

And he's right, I'm being childish.

He's still looking at me with pleading hazel eyes, his hands pressed against the wall to prevent me from escaping. He's just trying to understand.

I shake my head and grab his hands from the wall. Then I look at his eyes and answer him.

"No, no you didn't do anything wrong, Zayn." I say softly. "I- I'm not even mad at you."

He looks so confused right now, so lost.

"But I thought-" He starts.

"I know what you thought and what it looked like." I cut him off.

He stays silent, waiting for me to keep talking. I take a deep breath and look at our hands.

"Look, the only reason I've been running away is because I didn't want to talk about....uh-"

"The kiss." He finishes for me. I feel my cheeks blush, then I nod and I tap my fingers against his hands nervously.

"Yeah, I was embarrassed and didn't want to talk about it." He sighs in, what I think is relief and nods. "I'm so sorry I made you feel like you had to apologise."

He caresses my knuckles with his thumb and shakes his head. I get the feeling he doesn't realise what he's doing, but I like the sweet gesture, anyway.

"It's fine, I understand." He says. "But it was just a kiss, you don't have to be embarrassed, yeah?"

My heart stops when I hear him say those words.

It was just a kiss. It was just a kiss. Just a kiss.

Maybe to you! I want to shout, but instead I look down and stare at my hands, which he's still caressing mindlessly.

"Let's not talk about it." I say looking up at him and untangling our intertwined hands.

He looks down with confused eyes, then back at my face, his questioning eyes widening with realisation.

"Oh, I didn't mea-" He starts to explain, but I've heard enough.

"Please just let it go." I cut him off, my voice raspy, so I clear my throat.

"No, Beth I-" He insists.

"Let's forget about it, yeah?"

"But-"

"Please, Zayn." He sighs, but agrees at the end.

"Fine, fine..."

I get that it was just a kiss to him and I don't need him to make up excuses just because I have some confused feelings about him.

I'm not even mad at him, I can't be mad because of that, I mean, I can't make the guy feel something he doesn't.

And I guess it's better this way, that he has told me that now, when my feelings for him are not exactly conclusive. It would be much worse if I really liked him and he told me that he doesn't.

"Thanks." I nod and smile weakly, just enough to make him know that I'm not mad at him. "Well, I have to go to class."

He takes a few steps back to let me walk away from the wall he had pressed me against before, but keeps looking at me.

"Yeah, I'll see you next week." He says, rubbing the back of his neck nervously and takes a step closer to me, decreasing the big gap he had left between us.

"Next week?"

"Yeah, I'm leaving for Italy this afternoon, with my dad." He says. "Work."

I nod in understanding.

"I still don't get how you cope with working and studying." He just shrugs.

"You know, when your father first mentioned you I thought you would be some unsociable guy who didn't have time for friends or free time at all." I admit jokingly.

This time, he laughs, really laughs and I find him even more adorable than his little sister.

"Nah, I do just fine." He says still laughing, his soft laugh making me relax.

I stare at him for a moment and he stares back. Then, he sticks his tongue out at me and smiles while I chuckle.

"Well, I guess I'll be going now, I'm already late for class." I say.

I really don't want to leave now that we are in this playful-cute state. But class is class and I'm five minutes late already.

"Okay." He nods his head once and I nod mine in response, before I start to turn around.

"Don't I get a goodbye?" He asks, making me stop and look at him. He's smirking, of course. I shake my head playfully at his cockiness and cross my arms over my chest.

"Goodbye, Zayn." I say, smirking back at him. Then I turn around and start walking away.

I don't even get to take four steps before I feel one of his hands on my arm and the other one on my waist, both of them turning me around to face him.

"I was thinking in a more proper goodbye." He says.

Without leaving me any time to think about what he just said, he moves his hand from my arm to my chin and brings me closer by my waist to end up crushing his lips with mine.

The kiss is not long and, like the first one, is just our lips that meet.

His lips are as soft as I remembered them and they lock with mine like they were meant to be like this forever. He tugs at my chin to open my mouth a bit, enough to close his lips around my lower one and kiss it.

Slowly, he repeats the same action, tugging my mouth open with his fingers and kissing my bottom lip. This time I move my mouth too, wrapping my lips around his upper one.

He sighs into my mouth and slowly pulls back, but rests his forehead on my own. When I open my eyes, his are still closed, but I find a small smile on his face.

Then, he opens his yes and his small smile turns into a smirk.

"See? Just a kiss." He says looking at me.

I shake my head in amusement and blush while he chuckles sweetly.

With that he turns around and leaves.

"Goodbye, Elizabeth!" He shouts still walking, his famous smirk still plastered on those lips of his, I bet.