Spirited

Chapter Ten - December

   Dear Peter,

  I never told you what I wanted in life. But it was you. When we saw each other in the mall close to month ago, I was unsure that you would be able to help me, but you did. And I can't thank you enough, but now I never will be able to. There have been things I have been keeping from you, though. Even after I had told you I wasn't cutting myself, I really was. I cut myself in places you would never be able to see, and I'm sorry. Maybe if I'm gone your mom will trust you again. Maybe if I'm gone you'll forget you ever knew me. Maybe it's for the better. Maybe not. Peter you deserve the world, and I never gave it to you. That's because I never will. Peter I never told you that I... I... I can't even say it. It's like if I say it you won't believe me, and I want you to believe me but I'm learning that I'm to full of it. Peter you should know many things... things I want to tell you, but I can't. I guess what I'm trying to say, is that, even though you and I were a thing... forget about it. Because when I'm gone, will it really matter? Will anything you and I did really matter? I wanted to live longer Peter, I really, really did, but everything I cared about is gone. Out of anyone, you should understand that. At first, I thought I could hang on, because I had you. But now I don't. Peter, please, try to forget me. I want this. I can have it, if you let me. Please, forget me! You have to forget me. I know you don't want to but you HAVE to. I need you to. I want you to. You have to. I care about you, but I don't care about myself... and neither should you. I mean NOTHING to this world. You MEAN something. You have a family. I don't. You have friends. I don't. You have everything you need to survive; I did, but not anymore. Peter you can't stop me this time. I have to do this. You can't show me anymore light in this world. I'VE SEEN ALL OF THE DARKNESS! NOTHING BUT YOU MATTERS TO ME. AND NOW YOUR GONE! PETER YOU WERE MY EVERYTHING, YOU MADE ME FEEL NEEDED, WANTED, CARED FOR! BUT EVERYTHING IS GONE BECAUSE OF YOUR MOM! This is goodbye... forever! I will miss you more than I will miss my parents, or my siblings. You changed me... a lot. But with you gone, everything I was before, is back. I wanted you for longer. I wanted US for longer. You and me; me and you. This isn't your fault, so don't think it is. In fact, this is mine. Mine because I didn't care. Mine because I chose this. Mine because... of everything I've done in this damned world. You deserve a better world. A happier, less dramatic, world. You knew me. I didn't. I care about you... and no one else. But this has to happen because... it's my decision. My choice. My end. Your mom made me NOTHING! But in my heart, I always was nothing. In my families mind, I was nothing. In my friends minds, I was nothing. But in your mind, I was something. Your mom thought otherwise. So that means, your family believes that too. This is the last thing from me. You'll never get anything else. I thank you for everything. But my time has come. I'm over due for death anyways. Goodbye Peter.

    Best wishes for love and life,

    December

   As I seal up the letter, I feel tears collecting behind my eyes. I write Peter's name on the front before I walk out the door and head for Peter's house. 

  I arrive at his house about ten minutes later. I walk to the door and press the door bell. I drop the letter and run! 

  This is my last day on this earth.

  I get a taxi to the San Andres fault...