Love and Other Complications

Chapter Three

         

a l l y

I woke up this morning to Austin asleep in my bed.. and about four texts from Elliot. I didn't want to think about him when I had Austin right in front of me. I had briefly mentioned to Elliot that I might be able to see him Sunday, and since I didn't see him Friday he took this as I was seeing him Sunday.

I don't think I have spent a whole weekend with just Austin. I want to savour this moment. We both have pretty busy schedules so a whole weekend is rare. And we can't just go out and see each other whenever and do normal couples things because we're not a couple and someone I know might see me. I know all of this sneaking around is pathetic and I want to tell Elliot the truth but I can't bring myself to do it. The amount of events that would occur if my secrets got out. It would be like a domino effect of disaster. I don't like knowing that I am hurting Eliot, even though he doesn't know exactly how much I'm hurting him. I want to at least end it but I can't seem to let go and I don't know why.

I couldn't end it for secret two so why should Austin be any different? Secret two was way more serious than Austin. Austin and I just fool around a bit but secret two was different. I lost my virginity to him and same with him to me. Looking back now, Austin and I have a lot more in common and would probably work better as a couple but at the time I'd never loved someone so much. He couldn't handle being secret two anymore so we had to end it and I think because we had sex it was worse in the end. And it was hard knowing that I had had sex with someone else while I was with Elliot. That's why I'm not having sex with Austin. It complicates things and it's not as bad if we're not having sex in the whole outcome of it.

Sometimes I'm worried the same complication with secret two will happen with Austin. Well not quite the same. I know he's not fussed being a secret and it's not like we're in love and we have to hide that. He also does't have to see me with Elliot everyday, another big problem. But I think one day he will want to have sex. It's not like we're exclusive and I'm keeping sex from him, I wouldn't do that. He can be with whoever else he wants, and he does, another reason we're not together. But I think he'll leave eventually, when he gets bored. It's a reality I'm going to have to face someday.

I look at Austin and I know this peaceful state can't last forever. My parents will probably be back sometime today and I'll eventually have to deal with Elliot. My parents aren't around a lot and they aren't the most observant but I think they will notice a naked guy in my bed that isn't my boyfriend. It's hard to describe my relationship with my parents. I know they love me and I know they are there for me even when it doesn't feel like it sometimes. It didn't always be like this. All three of us were really close but when I got older and they knew I could take care of myself they started picking up their workload so I would have more opportunities for my future. That's why I don't mind when they're not around much because they are doing it for me, and they are still really supportive and if I need something, they're there.

I slowly get out of my bed without making too much movement so I don't wake Austin. I look on my floor for some clothes. I see Austin's shirt that looked pretty comfortable and put that on knowing he won't mind at all because he has told me countless times how much he loves me wearing his clothes. I also get some fresh underwear from my closet. I grab my phone and look to see if Austin is still asleep one last time before I head down stairs. I make my way to the kitchen for some late breakfast.

I can't decide what I feel like eating, so I make everything.

As I'm nippling on some pancakes I made earlier while I'm making some eggs I hear someone entering the room.

"Wow, I didn't realise how nice your house is." Austin's voice echoes through the kitchen.

"Yeah it's pretty amazing I guess."