Love and Other Complications

Chapter Four

a u s t i n

I don't know what just happened with Ally and I don't know how I feel about it. When I was looking at her and she was looking back at me, I don't know, something changed. It wasn't like it used to be. We were actually going to have sex, and if it happened any other way than from what it did I wouldn't think anything of it, but the way it happened wasn't nothing. It was intimate. This is why I don't get attached to people. If I'm alone then no one can hurt me.

I'm actually a little scarred because I've never let myself be so vulnerable to another person, but I can trust Ally. She brings out a different side of me, especially today. I've never been like that before.. ever. Ally doesn't come to my place often but she has been here enough to know where everything is.

As soon as I left Ally's I started having a million ideas on what I could do when she gets here. But first I needed to clean up a bit. I'm not usually a messing person but sometimes I let a few dishes here and there slip.

I really like my apartment and I don't see myself buying anything else new for a long time. I'm still young and I live alone so I don't need anything overly big. I have the money to buy a nice house if I want but I don't know what I'd do with all that space. And it gives me an excuse to not have a party at my house. I've seen what goes on behind the scenes at parties, I do not want that in my apartment. I like when Ally's in my apparent, it gives it a new light. I like waking up next to her in my bed. Most of the time it's in her bed and I don't mind that of course, but it's better seeing her surrounded by my stuff. That's why when she comes over later after breaking it off with her boyfriend I'm going to give her a key so she can come over anytime. Well to an extend, I don't think we should jump into a relationship for a lot of reasons and we both know that. But if I'm out and I want to see her I want just be able to come home to her.

I never thought Ally would ever break up with her boyfriend. When she was with that other guy it sounded way more serious than this and she wouldn't even consider breaking up with him. Maybe she didn't want to be pushed into doing it, or she just needed time? She still gets weird about talking about that last guy and I don't know why.

By the time I'm done cleaning, so it's nice for Ally to stay, it's almost been an hour. I don't know how long it will take her but I'm presuming she'll text me before she leaves. I know it's a school night for her but I want to get her to say for the night and we can get breakfast tomorrow before I drop her off to school. If this was any other girl I wouldn't put so much effort into it but because it's Ally I want it to be perfect.

Since I still haven't heard anything from Ally I guess I still have time to go out and buy somethings before she gets here. I remember Ally telling me how much she loves candlelight and how she didn't know what kind of flowers were her favourite but she thought roses were romantic.

This is so unlike me but just thinking about Ally and thinking about earlier today I was getting so excited about later. It wasn't just the sex, if she still wanted to do it, it was just knowing that at one point she was going to. That's why I didn't care when we got interrupted that time because I knew that it would have happened that time. Other times I always knew she wouldn't let it go anywhere but this time she really did want it to. And if she wanted to now, she'll want to again, eventually.

It's getting later and later and I still haven't heard anything from Ally. Maybe it went really badly?

I don't have anything else to do so I start setting up. I place little lit candles all around my apartment. Then to top it off I scatter rose pedals around the place. I walked around my apartment inspecting it to make sure it looks as good as it possibly can.