Every Missing Piece

Chapter Twenty-Three

"You know it's a trap."

Right after Mercy's announcement, she pulled me aside to try to talk to me, probably because she was afraid I'd rush off and do something stupid. The idea has never been so appealing. I know that the small group of people she gathered for an emergency meeting—there were, after all, twenty-eight people taken prisoner in total, even if I only care about one of them—are looking at me with a small amount of pity, but even more worry. I'm sure I fit look the very image of unstable as I pace back and forth, my wild hair flying. Even Jack looks at me like he doesn't recognize the girl in front of him.

First the Assembly claimed to take Jack, then they really took Taryn. Taryn. My sister. They will never stop pushing until my life falls into shambles around me.

"Yes, I know it's a trap!" I cry out. "But what am I supposed to do about it? Am I supposed to pretend like I don't know? Am I supposed to leave Gotten without knowing what happened to my sister?"

Mercy steps forward, her mouth opening to say things that I already know. Yes, she'll say. We expect you to do nothing. If you want to be one of us, you must be ready to make sacrifices. What makes her so special?

Enough. I have already sacrificed too much.

"This should never have happened!" I turn on Mercy before she has the chance to speak. Behind her, I notice Nina and Derek, apparently recovered, take a step forward, like they're ready to restrain me if they have to, but I ignore them. "You said you would protect my family if I joined you! Where was this protection when Taryn needed it, huh? You let this happen!"

"We are doing our best!" Mercy responds. This is the closest I've ever seen her come to losing her grip on her breezy composure, but I'm not in the mood to care. "You're forgetting that they took over two dozen of our people too! Do you think we wanted this?"

"No," I say, shaking my head because I finally realize it now. "Not our people. Your people. There's only one person with the Assembly that matters to me, and if I leave the planning to you, she'll be with them forever."

I'm not sure what words of wisdom Mercy's advisors are ready to impart, what false strategies they plan to soothe me over with, but I'll have no part in it. Not anymore. I turn my back on them and run out of the room, straight into a crowd of curious Desperates that wait outside.

"Carra!" Mercy barks, but I'm not listening. I push my way through the other Desperates and begin making my way through a series of nearby tunnels until I'm so far away that I can almost delude myself into believing that I've left my problems behind. Only then do I stop running.

Oh, God, Taryn. My fault. Always my fault. If it wasn't for me, the Assembly would have no reason to use her as bait. Taryn would be safe and of no especial interest to the Assembly. But no, first the Assembly burned down her home, and now they finished the job by ensnaring her as well.

What do I do what do I do what do I do what do I do?

I try to go over everything I've done, every wrong decision I've made like I'd retrace false steps in a maze. Even retrospectively, there's no clarity, because for every poor decision I've made, the alternative would have led to even more mistakes. It's that inevitability that finally breaks me, and I sink down to the floor of the tunnel, draw my legs up close, and cry for everything that I've lost.

I don't know how long I stay like this, but too soon, approaching footsteps echo further down in the tunnel. I hide my face in my arms as the person comes closer, because how am I supposed to be strong enough to face the world when I can't even face myself?