The Other Kardashian

Chapter 9: Guilt

KELLY'S P.O.V

I felt guilty and completely ashamed of myself. I shouldn't have let that happen. I felt sick to my stomach and I knew that this was all a mistake. It was 6 am and I stared up at the ceiling thinking about what I had just done. I got up and changed into sweat pants and a t shirt and paced back and forth thinking of what to do. This was not good. At all. I decided to take a shower to let time pass and think about this. I sat down in the corner of the shower and let the water sprinkle down on me. I started to cry. I was so disappointed in myself. This wasn't what I wanted. I was angry at Justin because he did this without asking me if I was okay with it. But I was also angry with myself for letting things get out of hand.

A couple hours later Justin woke up and walked into the living room confused. "Why are you out here?" He asked.

I just shrugged. I couldn't look him in the eyes. I didn't want to talk to him. I just needed some time to process this all. We had a show tonight and I was not prepared to go on stage and act like me and Justin were totally cool.

"Last night was amazing." He said and I just sat there on my phone.

"Is everything okay?" He asked sitting down.

No. Nothing was okay. But I just said "Im fine."

He came closer and I scooted away. "Something's up. What's wrong?"

"We shouldn't have done what we did last night" I said staring at the ground afraid to look at him.

"Im sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable." He said sitting down.

I shook my head. "This is horrible."

"Its okay. We will figure it out." he said.

"Im sorry. Im just im not ready." I said.

"What do you mean?" He asked.

"Im not ready for any of this. We shouldn't have done what we did last night." I said letting a tear fall.

"Kelly, its okay. Ill wait for you." He said.

"You shouldn't." I said getting up wiping away my tears.

"Kelly wait!" Justin said following me into the bedroom.

"It's okay if you aren't ready. I want you and I am not going to stop wanting you." He said.

"Just give me some space." I said closing the bedroom door on him.

I couldn't figure out if I was being emotional because of my past experiences with guys or if it was because deep down I somewhere had feelings for Justin. The whole thing didn't make sense but I was drowning in a pool of guilt and shame. I expected more from myself. I stayed in the bedroom for the rest of the time we were on the road. I eventually calmed down and was just nervous about the show. I didn't want to confront Justin. I left him confused and wanting answers. All I knew was that I needed time. When we finally arrived at the arena we had 2 hours before show time. Justin banged on the door letting me know we were here. After 10 minutes of staring at the wall I got out of bed and grabbed my flip flops. I slowly opened the door and Justin was on the other side waiting for me.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

"Ill be okay." I said and walked past him.

He followed me into the arena and begged for me to tell him what was going on. I didn't know where I was supposed to go and I couldn't escape him.

"Please just tell me one thing." he said and I turned to him.

"Did I hurt you?" He asked looking me in the eyes. He looked upset.