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Part 5

Since that day at the mall, I hadn't hung out with with Avi at all; we hadn't even spoken to each other. I really wanted to text him just to say hi or ask how he's doing but I thought that I might be overstepping some kind of boundary.

I spent much more time giving Scott the full amount of love and attention that he deserved but I didn't give him while I was on my affair. I absolutely loved giving him my full devotion, I guess I just forgot that for a while. No, I still hadn't told him yet and sometimes the secret floating around in my head would keep me up all night. It was tearing me apart. I didn't know how I was going to tell him or even if I was going.

Today was the big day and I was as anxious as ever. I was sweating profusely in my tuxedo. Because of wedding tradition, I hadn't seen Scott in almost two days and I ached to be near him again. I mostly just wanted this day to be over.

I stared at myself in the mirror as the stylist straightened my hair and added a bit of makeup. On the exterior I looked like an image of the perfect husband. On the interior, though, I wasn't so sure if I could meet that standard.

I told myself on the day of the mall incident that I would finally stop lying to Scott and I kept my promise but that still didn't excuse my unfaithfulness. Scott was too trusting in me for his own good; I was too lucky. I realized, maybe I did make the right choice of agreeing to marry him but maybe he made the wrong choice of wanting to ask me.

Two minutes. Just two minutes until the ceremony, and also the rest of my life, would begin. Next to me was my dad, Mike dressed in a fine suit, with his arm wrapped around my shoulders comfortingly. He would be escorting me down the aisle. I wondered what Mike would think of me if he knew of all of the awful things I did.

The wedding ensemble began to play, the big doors opened, and I was ushered out into the chapel with my arm latched on the Mike's, all faster than I realized.

I saw many familiar faces in the pews; there was my mother, sister, her husband and my niece; Scott's entire family; many of the good friends we've encountered throughout this journey of life; even our high school choir teacher; and... Avi.

I remember one day I half-seriously invited him to come to my wedding. I didn't anticipate him actually showing up after how I led him on. He was clearly happy for me but I could still see the sadness in his once full of life eyes. That just goes to show how good and forgiving of a friend he is. If it were me in his place, I wouldn't have even bothered to show up at the wedding.

Standing next to my future husband Alex Kirk, his very handsome and muscular best friend, other than me of course. He was an insanely sweet guy who was nice to everyone he met, his positivity could rival Scott's alone.

One of the groomsmen was the adorable and sweet Jake Updegraff. He was the Mitch to Alex's Scott. They had a similar dynamic to what Scott and I had. They were very different appearance wise but they were almost always on the same page and they seemed to just fit.

Standing next to Jake was Kirstin's tall, sleek, and handsome boyfriend, Jeremy. There were only a few straight men in this world that I could stand to be around for more than two minutes at a time and he was ranked number one on my list. Kirstin has had many ups and downs in her life and we all knew the one thing she needed was stability and Jeremy was able to provide that for her. He stuck with her throughout every and I wished that I could be more like him in that respect.

Then the maid of honor was none other than Kirstin, my very best friend, other than Scott. She was truly an amazing woman. If it had not been for her I might not have ever had the courage to ask Scott. It really pained to me to see her so disappointed in me that day at all; she has never once yelled at me like that. I just hoped that she could find it in her heart to forgive me.