Intended

It Ends Tonight

"I'm okay..." I told myself as I walked out of the cafe.

I realized that it was drizzling and it was late and I should get home, but I didn't call for anyone to pick me up, my mind was whirling with thoughts and I just couldn't bring myself to do anything. My body was moving without me even telling it to and I didn't have the strength to fight it. It was like thinking of him and all that had happened had sucked the last remaining strength in me, I was so weak.

Right now, I feel like I was in a complete mess...

My mind started to warn me if I'd be okay going home like this, but my body kept walking so I guess I'd be alright... right? (Darn, who am I even asking)

After that bit of thought 'bout myself my mind started to wander off again, "what if I never find someone to love me?" "what if we were actually meant for each other and we didn't know it, would that mean we both would end up alone or its just me?"

It was so hard to breathe like something was strangling me. I can't explain the feeling at all...

It feels like I need him... but I know I needed something more, something that I know I wouldn't just find in a guy no matter how much I liked or loved him...

I need it so much its killing me, I couldn't breathe... but i kept going...

I know I don't want to feel needy for something I don't even know but urge was just there...

And then, I thought about my family... my friends... and even the people that hated me. I wondered where I would end up if I died... would anyone cry or look for me or miss me, or even remember that I existed...

Then, I felt cold, at first I thought that it was because I was getting wet but I almost felt that the cold wind hugged me, it was like my mom was hugging me, it was warm and cold all at the same time, the wind came to my ears then it was gone, it was like it whispered peace into me, my mind stopped thinking and the weight was lifted and right there I stopped walking...

Then I saw myself doing something I never would have imagined...

I knelt down...

Me, kneeling down, on the street with the rain pouring, "this is definitely a miracle" I thought to myself.

And then I started to cry and whisper "I'm sorry", I don't know what I was sorry for but I whispered it over and over again and then pictures of people I knew flowed in my head, but something was significant about it, all the memories of the things I've done wrong to them was in the scene of the memories that flowed in my head.

Maybe, just maybe I was saying sorry for all the things that I did.

Then the rain grew even stronger, it was like there was a coming typhoon and it was harder to see what was ahead. And I got up and walked again, still with the thought that I need to get home. Now, nothing was coming to my mind, I just stopped thinking right there after I cried. Now I was just looking ahead, still walking but I was just completely and utterly numb, I could feel the people rushing and running, because the rain was too strong to walk in but I kept walking as though I felt comfortable in the middle of this rain...

I felt people starting to stare at me, I knew I was walking alone and they all just stared, eyes were all over me, but I didn't mind, it was like I had my own peaceful world, the world that they couldn't feel. I'd taken a bit of a glance at them and then continued on... 

Then, I heard a loud screech and a woman screamed "No!..." but I didn't move. There was a blinding light and....

I left the reflection of me in the middle of the street..

I saw the driver rushing out of the car to check up on my body and he screamed a loud cry, I wanted to tell him that it wasn't his fault but then I was taken away from the scene...