Intended

False Hopes

Chapter 3: Selena

They say the strongest people are those who know how to wait patiently without complain, but let's face it, every young girl is desperate. She dreams of love when she's young, but then she only realizes the difference between real life and idle dreams when she has fully grown up.

The day I stopped dreaming was when we went our separate ways, (me and Jake). But once, I thought I had seen my future with him. I imagined that we would go to college and fulfill our dreams, and after finishing our obligations for our families, that we would have a family of our own.

Everytime he had comforted me when I was sad, everytime that he would hug me and put his arms on my shoulder I would always think that our bodies fit perfectly, I thought I found my other half, but I guess thoughts don't always go with reality...

I'd had once imagined being with him, and in my dreams, I was happy, but reality struck me. Fortunately reality struck just in time to save me from complete humiliation...

We were friends but I thought he felt the same way I did, even if we didn't tell each other straight I thought it was understood, that there was a mutual feeling between us. Everyone already thought that we were together, and everyone teased us, we denied but deep inside I was happy, I wanted all those things that they said to be true, I wanted there to be an "Us" but I guess I was wrong. 

After I thought everything was great, even if there wasn't a title to whatever we had, we were happy or at least I thought I was.  Until one winter day, it was cold and I was so excited that morning as usual, it was like a habit to feel great in the morning waiting for school, waiting to see him. I stood in the middle of the hallway chatting with my friends and minutes later he was walking through the corridor and I stared at him. He looked so handsome in our maroon school coat, his cheeks were blushing from the cold weather outside. Then he lifted his eyes and noticed me staring, he looked back and smiled at me. As he walked closer I realized he brought red roses, not just a piece but a bouquet of it, I was hopeful but at the time, I realized, it wasn't for me, because he just greeted me and went past me. It was like time stopped in the hallway and I felt heat going through my cheeks like I wanted to cry but I fought hard and long not to and it was like my head was spinning with confusion, I felt rejected, even if there was nothing he did, then automatically, my gaze followed him, I wanted to know where he was going to bring the roses in his hand then I heard my classmates inside the classroom teasing and screaming. And I was still there silent, I froze to where he had left me staring at him. Then slowly, he handed the bouquet of red roses to one of my closest friends. It was like an insult, I felt so stupid to think that he really did like me! And that we had something...

The truth is, he was just being nice to me because the girl that caught his eyes was one of my closest friends and I realized, he was telling the truth we are actually, just "BEST FRIENDS", and there was nothing more to it. That moment crushed me!

For days I had to pretend to be happy, smilling and laughing with the two people my heart has come so close with but deep inside I wanted to cry for every smile on their face. It may be wrong but I couldn't stand it, I wanted to hate them for not telling me that there was something going on between them. I felt betrayed. I felt alone, but I had no right to complain...

He was never mine after all...

I guess that's where the awkwardness started, when there was nobody else in the world that "My best friend" and "My close friend" noticed but each other. They were so deeply inlove?! I don't know either if they were really inlove or if they had ended together, all I know is we just stopped communicating with each other. I don't know if they had felt awkward like I did, or was I the only one affected, but as far as I know my story with them has ended there.

I don't know either if he had figured out what my true feelings were but I guess not talking to them helped me. The truth is, I just didn't want to hurt my self more by pretending to be in support of their new found love team. So I guess they were the people who I used to know.

But it hurts me so much that things had to end that way. Occassionally, we talk to each other trying bring back the old memories, but deep inside, we all know that things will never be the same again.

I guess untamed feelings... when you try hide them, they would just end up breaking out and hurting people. Including the one who held it back and who he/she held it back from...