Reject~A.F.I

Chapter Three ~ School

The hallways were quiet, my footsteps echoing off the walls. Everyone was in lessons as I made my way to my locker. I checked my timetable; double music, things were starting to look up. I grabbed my folder from my locker and made my way to class. I peeked through the window in the door to see everyone was busy, little groups of people sat in circles on the floor chatting and making music. Quietly I crept into the classroom and registered with my teacher, I really didn't like my teacher, but I loved the subject. No one seemed to notice me, but maybe that was for the best. I can only imagine the rumours that would spread as to how I got the bruises on my face.

"There's no theory this lesson, everyone's more or less doing what they want, feel free to use a practice room if you need it." he didn't even look up from his computer, I don't know why he became a teacher, he clearly can't stand being around children. I nodded, although it's not like he even saw and made my way to an empty practice room. I walked in and sat behind the drums. This was where I was happiest, most comfortable and confident. I took my sticks out of my bag and put my headphones in, scrolling through my music library to find a song to play along to. Naturally I went to 'Bullet in a Bible' by green day before clicking shuffle. The all too familiar guitar riff of 'Wake me up when September ends' began to fill my ears and radiated through my body. Nothing can ever make me as happy as music does. Music is the one consistency in my life, regardless of what's going on around me music is always there. Whether I'm playing it or just listening to it, music has helped me through so much, it has helped me through the darker days, it has comforted me when I've felt alone, it gives me a reason to live. As if on autopilot my arms begin to movie, mimicking the drums that fill my ears. As I continue to play my head begins to empty, all I can focus on is the movement of my arms and legs. Before I know it the song is over, silence fills the room, but not for long. American Idiot begins to play and I know it is exactly what I need right now. My arms and legs are a whirl of movement. It was as if all the anger I've held in for so long was finally being able to leave my body in the form of noise, anger I didn't even know I had. I've never played this hard or loud, my hand are beginning to hurt, sweat is seeping out of my skin, my breathing is rapid. I shut my eyes allowing the music to fully consume me. The song came to an end, I pulled out my headphones and sat in silence. I finally opened my eyes, my face wet with tears. I didn't even know I had that many emotions trapped inside me, my hands were blistered, some already broke open and the burning pain has returned to my ribs. I sat there panting, my heart rate slowly returning back to normal, my head a whirl of thoughts. Not all of them good. I hate feeling like this, I hate feeling sad and angry and not being able to pinpoint the cause of it, it frustrates me and I just want to feel normal. I want to go about my life like a normal person, and that means not being beaten up and chased home at least once a month, it means not constantly worrying about whether my mum and I will eat tonight, and it means not having irrational, negative thoughts constantly running through my head. It means being happy.

I stayed there for the next hour, sitting in silence. Just me and my thoughts. As the bell rang I grabbed my bag and left the practice room, my headphones in and my head down. I walked into English and headed directly to my seat not looking up, but I could hear the sniggers directed at me from the gaggle youths in the corner. I wouldn't look at them, I can't. They caused this pain that I'm in. They're responsible for the bruises that cover my body and the scars that cover my heart. I don't care that they don't like me, not many people do, but them not liking me doesn't justify their actions towards me, I've never done anything to them. I fidget in my seat, I can feel them staring at me. My leg bounces up and down and I remain staring at my blistered hands.

"Irwin." I look up to see my teacher Mrs Smith staring at me, "Headphones, out. Now." she commands before looking back down at her computer, her red glasses perched on the end of her nose. Reluctantly I pulled out my headphones and stuffed them into my pocket, I didn't hate Mrs Smith, nor did I love her, she was just there. I turned up to her lessons, I listened quietly and I left, I wasn't the kind to answer questions or share my work, I much preferred to keep it to myself. One thing I did enjoy in her lessons was poetry, it was just like music, it was expressive and it allowed me to get out all of the emotions I had stored away in me. Mrs Smith seemed to like my poems too, she always wrote nice comments on the bottom of them, but she's a teacher and she's meant to make us feel good, so whether what she writes is true or not, I don't know. Today was a pretty boring English lesson, we've been studying 'The Crucible' and I've got no idea what's going on in that play, as far as I'm concerned it's just a group of attention seeking girls calling people witches and everyone seems to believe them. I don't get it, so I just sat quietly taking down notes when I was told.

Finally the ball rang and it was time for lunch. I instantly put my headphones back in and began walking to the cafeteria. I made it there pretty quickly which meant that there were only a few people in there, I grabbed a sandwich a chocolate milk and left. It was gonna get pretty busy in there soon and I'm not in the mood for people today. I went and sat outside under a tree, it's branches shielding me slightly from the sun and ate my lunch. The rest of the day was pretty boring, I had physics and maths, luckily I managed to get away with wearing my headphones in those lessons. Having no one pay attention to you can have it's perks at times. It was now the end of the day, I took my time going to my locker so I could avoid the rush of students trying to leave the school, the last thing I need is people pushing into me and causing more injury to my already damaged body. I hovered by the doors to the school, I could see a group of kids by the gates in the distance, no doubt waiting for me. I had promised my mum I'd wait for her, so that's what I'd do. Fifteen minutes later she pulled up outside the doors and I jumped in. I'm honestly so glad she came to pick me up, I don't think I could have handled walking past those kids today.

"So how was school?" she asked after I was belted in.

"Meh, same as usual I suppose." I responded, getting quieter as we approached the gates. My head snapped forwards, I refused to look at them, my body tensing. My mum turned to look at me worriedly before realising the gang of students to the left of the car, she simply nodded clearly understanding what was happening before speeding off away from them and the school.

"Did they say anything to you today?" she quietly asked after about five minutes of driving in silence,

"They didn't say anything to me, but there's no doubt they were taking about me. They kept looking at me and I could hear them laughing..." I trailed off, "I just don't get it." I added as an after though, "Why do they do this to me? I've never done anything to them. Why me?" the end came out as a whisper, my eyes began to fill with water. She gently placed her hand on my knee, "The world can be cruel and unkind, sometimes you've got to just take a step back and smile, If you can't smile what can you do? You've got to just keep on struggling through." I smiled at her words, that was the song we wrote together. When my dad had left and nothing was going right, we used music as a way to distract ourselves, and it also brought us closer. A tear spilled out of my eye as I looked over at her, "Thank you." I muttered. She squeezed my knee and returned her attention to the road.

~ Let me know what you think of this so far, but to be honset the only person reading this is probably Sofia ;) and since that is most likely the case, I hope you are having a better day than yesterday, text me if you need me ;)