Being Me

Stage #6

Warning - Contains curse words.

Stage #6 - The Masters of Cussing

So let me get this out.

I, Tina Collins, does not have a filter on my mouth. When all the other girls lost their shots in the badminton match every time, they uttered, "Shit!"

When I lost, I directly skipped to, "Fuck!"

I hate myself for it. Because I know the meaning of that word, and I know it isn't one to be thrown out into the atmosphere like 'stampede' or 'long'.

But I can't help myself.

I just do.

Some times, life andthe people around me get so hard to bear, I just end up spitting things out without control, ebcause that's the only way I can let people know I'm fed up. I'm not strong enough to punch the [erson dwown, nor do I want to.

I mean, who do you not expect me to swear when my sister makes it a point that she'll irritate the hell and heaven and everything in between out of me by touching my hair, when I'm already pissed off? How do you not expect me to swear when I fail for a test I know I prepared bloody well for? How do you not expect me to swear when my 'friends' apparently had a fantastic sleep over at their place, (not that I would've wanted to attend anyway), but never once bothered to tell me?

It hurts.

It pains.

So I swear.

The only thing I'm capable of doing.

But then there are moments in life that are too preecious that just like normal people cry in joy, I cuss out in joy. Some times no other words give out so much force that a curse word could bring about. It makes veeryhting complete. You should probably try it out sometime...

And some times, some very dreary, low times, I cuss for fun, to be referred to as 'cool'. But I never get called that, ebcause apparently my looks and the words that come out of my mouth are from two very different mothers.

But I just can't help it.

It's ridiculous how I started cussing in the first place. The word was new to me, but it sounded exciting. The kind of excitement you get in your gut on stepping into a new territory. One person says the word, and like some sort of a political movement, everbody starts following it too.

For all we know, 'fuck' might've been somebody's name back in the stone age.

I know I've said this before, but remember how 'gargle' used to be the bad word?

I miss those days so bloody much.

There, I tried.