I'm not Yours Anymore

Chapter 4

I was sat on my bed reading when Jayden came in. He had a white towel wrapped around his torso. He ran his fingers through his hair. I stood there awe of his toned body. I my ran my eyes up and down his stomach several times before he chuckled and said “ok then, enough staring, get out now, I need to get dress”

I looked down with embarrassment and placed my book down and walked out of the room with shame. I stood outside my room for a minute before he opened it and he was in some jeans and a maroon t-shirt. “you may come in now”

I hit him playfully and pushed by him. He followed me and said “so, what are we doing for dinner?”

“umm, I don’t normally eat dinner, but you’re welcome to get take away if you want”

He look at me questionably “you don’t eat dinner? Why?”

I hesitated for a good excuse “uh—um-well”

Jayden walked over to me and stared at me dead straight in the eye “it’s ok, you can trust me”

My eyes darted to and from him and the floor “I-I-I don’t eat because, uh I want to lose weight”

He sighed and shook his head “willow, willow, willow. Do you know how beautiful you are? You’re tiny; you don’t need to lose weight at all”

“you say that, but I don’t believe it”

“why don’t you believe it?”

“because every day, I look in the mirror and I see it, I hear it, I read book and I see it, I walk down the street…. I see it. It’s everywhere Jayden”

“What is?” he said softly playing with my hair

“it’s hard to explain, it’s like a voice in your head, it never goes away, and all it does is compare you to things and-and criticizes you, and it just pushes you down a big black pit, and never lets you climb to the top. You climb up and up and up until you just reach the top, then it just pushes you all the way back down, and eventually you get tired, you’re tired of climbing, you’re tired of trying.”

Panic flickered across his eyes “Willow, promise me, while I’m with you, you will never give up, never give up trying. Don’t give up climbing up that pit, I’ll be there at the top and pull you out.”

I sighed and sat down on my bed, Jayden sat beside me. He leaned in and kissed me softly. I was stunned, I was stiff. I pushed him away  and got off the bed and stood in front of him and shouted “JAYDEN WHAT THE HELL, WHY DID YOU DO THAT. YOU MAKE ME ALL EMOTIONAL THEN YOU KISS ME? WHAT KIND OF SICK GAME IS THIS”

He hesitated for the right words to say “I-uh- I’m sorry, I really am, I don’t know what came over me”

“OH YEAH BLAH BLAH BLAH, THAT’S WHAT THEY ALL SAY”

Jayden stood up but before he could even get close to me I stormed out of my bedroom and down the stairs and shouted “I RECOMMEND YOU DON’T FOLLOW ME, FOR YOUR OWN SAFTEY” I stormed out the door and slammed the door behind me.

I ran onto the street. I forgot to get my coat so I was just in my jumper. I shivered and walked, just walked. I had no idea where I was going. I ended upon the sidewalk of a street, it wasn’t too busy, but reasonably. I heard distant shouting behind me I turned slowly and saw Jayden running after me. I hesitated, I wanted to run across to get away from him, but cars kept coming. He was getting closer and closer. If I ran across the road, i could get hit by a car. But what does it matter anyway, no one would even care. But even though i was angry at him, i didnt want to hurt him. I didnt know what to do, but he was almost 10 meters away from me.

I made a split decision to run across the road.

Authers note: sorry this chapter was so short, the next one will be long! :)