Chapter 6

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They managed to film the video quicker than Troye ever remembered filming before and after he had done his normal outro with his typical wink he turned his camera off and turned to Connor.
"Con, what's wrong?" He asked gently.
"N-nothing" Connor said looking down at his hands in his lap.
"Don't bullshit me Con, I can see it in your eyes. They don't shine like they used to" Troye said softly.
"It's nothing, I'm fine I promise" Connor said looking at Troye sadly.
Although Troye did not believe him he could see the dark circles underneath Connors eyes and he decided not to push it any further.
Connor picked up his phone and lay back on the double bed, scrolling through his Twitter.
Troye lay next to him, also scrolling through his feed absentmindedly.
Connor favourited some tweets but his eyes always dragged to the ones full of hate. The ones that called him 'fat' and 'ugly' hurt. They made his insides curl and the room seem much smaller. There was a longer comment that Connor read over and over.
'Why does this fag even try. He's not funny. He's just an ugly lowlife that's desperate for fame. Hope he gives up YouTube soon, my screen would be better off without him'
Although the rest of viewers had slated this comment it stuck in his brain.
It was true.
He was fat. He was ugly. He was a fag.
The room was closing in and Connor knew this was the start of a panic attack. He muttered something about needing the loo before rushing to the bathroom.
He needed something sharp. He needed his release but Troye hadn't unpacked his bag and there was nothing in the bathroom he could use. He began mercilessly scratching at his arms and sat on the bathroom tiles shuffling to sit in a tiny ball. The scratches were deep enough. His bitten down nails couldn't even draw blood and the desperation was getting more and more.
Tears spilled down his cheeks and he clawed at his hair.
He deserved this pain. He was just a fat, ugly fag.

A/N My Connie frannie is 23!! He is such an inspirational person that so many people look up to. He's done so much for me whilst I've struggled with depression and anxiety and chances are, I'll never thank him. One day I'll tell my kids about the crazy cat lady who saved my life so many times. I hope they have such a great role model to look up to

Hangrid was confirmed yesterday and I lost my shit a little bit. I really love Hannah and her and Ingrid are so cute together.

Idk how much I'll post for the next few days because it's my birthday on Monday so just hang in there.

- Charl

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