Hopelessly Devoted

Chapter 9

Rewind 《 05/01/2011

Life was never the same as it used to be with Sam. Days seem longer and nights seem shorter. It's been exactly 16 days since our fight and we haven't really spoken. We were still sleeping in the same room, but always getting into bed at different times. It kills me how horrible our relationship has been for the past month. Every time I come back home, he's either out drinking with his friends from University or playing video games. I hardly see him studying but when he does, it's always when I'm not home.

Maybe you were too harsh on him.

I mentally slapped myself and groaned. Why would I think that? It's his fault that this happened. I never asked for him to be sloppy and a couch potato in this damn house. I'm paying all the rent, I'm buying all the groceries, I'm paying everything in this damn house, and I'm tired of being 'in charge' of this relationship.

New Year wasn't the same either. We went out by ourselves, only wishing each other 'Happy New Year' and went to bed. I tossed and turned on my side of the bed. His side was still empty, unsurprisingly.

2.46a.m.

I sighed and turned to face his side of the bed, tracing his pillow, running down my fingers through the cool sheets of the bed. I don't want this. I don't want emptiness in my life again. Without thinking twice, I got out of bed and walked out of the room. The faint light from the living room was still on, so I took the opportunity to walk down the stairs quietly. I could see him writing and reading, at least five books were spread across the dining table. I forgot how it was like looking at him from afar, admiring him. He had a visible stubble now which makes him look sexier.

Really, Belle? Not now.

You're supposed to be angry and upset with him, not thinking about how sexy he looks.

I think he realised that I was just staring at him from the staircase because he stopped writing and looked up to where I was standing. My eyes widened in shock, but he didn't look surprised one bit. His face was softer than when he was so focused on his assignment. He ran his hair through his fingers before leaning back into his chair, still staring at me. I played with the hem of my tank top and looked down, blushing. Good God, I was acting like a typical school girl getting caught by her crush.

It felt like forever, just the two of us in silence. I couldn't look at him, not when he's looking at me like that. Sam always had that power over me whenever he gives me that look.

"Are you just going to stand there?" He finally spoke. He didn't say it like he was annoyed or angry, but more curious and worried.

I lowered my head even more as tears started forming and I tried my best to hold it in. "I was just checking in case if you fell asleep again on the dining table."

"Again?" Amusement laced in his tone. "You mean you've watched me sleep on the dining table more than once?"

I blushed even harder and nodded. He chuckled.

God, I missed his chuckle.

I nodded again as a silent 'okay', more to myself rather than to him, but his voice brought me to a halt and my body started to tremble.

"Maybelle..."

The way he says my name was already enough to make my head spin. I tightened my grip on the handle but I didn't turn to look at him. I couldn't. The chair screeched against the floor and I heard his footsteps getting closer towards me. Slowly, but closer. With every step he took, my heart beat faster and my breathing heavier. It's been a long time since I've felt like this, like I want to just hold me, but I don't want to because I'll break the instant he does.