Hopelessly Devoted

Chapter 14

Rewind 《 13/09/2005

I always thought that going to church was a complete waste of time. Sure, obey the ten commandments, do not fall into temptation, repent, chastity. Things that I am so familiar with yet not obligated to. What's the point? We're all going to sin somehow. The average person lies about seven times a day, no avoiding that. Temptation is all around. Chastity? Everyone is going to have sex one day.

Okay, maybe not everyone, but, you know what I mean.

So, here I am, seated next to my mother as we listen to the priest's sermon while my brother dozes off. The church is always packed, somehow. I can't help but observe and judge people whenever I'm here. It's hard not to.

You see, there are always the bitches. Rich, follows the modern family tradition, high class and they pretend to be the most innocent beings in the planet. When in reality? They're always out partying yet their parents are so oblivious about it. Then there are the 'Saints'. Now, I don't know if they are just acting but they are really, really holy. They either dress up like they're about to meet Jesus himself (well, they are in a way) or they dress up like they are the poorest thing in the planet. There are also the workaholics. They are mostly just Sunday church people. They don't usually show that they are Catholics outside of church. They just come to church on Sundays just to seal the deal.

We also have the non-believers. Oh, they are never satisfied with what the priest preaches. They are always the right one. Logic, science, reality. Miracles aren't something they believe in. It's like they're just wasting their time coming to church. Then we also have the repenter and the lost. They're mostly known as Mary Magdalene, St Paul, the divorced and also the widows and widowers. I don't exactly envy them, how they have so much love towards God and the church, but I appreciate the fact that they know, deep down, that they deserve a second chance in life.

Then we have the in between. Me. Religion is always something my family follow. Tradition, laws, dos and don'ts. I believe in many things. Sure, Jesus died for us to save us from evil, Christmas, Easter, Virgin Mary; but I've always felt like a non-believer sometimes. It has been hard since dad was gone and the rest of his family basically neglected the three of us. The Greens never exactly liked our family anyway.

The priest was going on and on about love and mercy during his sermon. Everyone else seemed so entranced by his words. Jacob on the other hand was dozing off as usual.

"We must repent, brothers and sisters, and to love each other, even our enemies. Be merciful, and the Father in Heaven will be merciful to you... "

I rolled my eyes at the mention of that. Enemies are meant to be hated, not loved. The amount of hypocrisy is amazing when it comes to religion. We are meant to do this and do that, follow the laws, but we are all human beings. We fall into sin and we do the exact opposite of what we are meant to do. Mother is a good example for it. She goes out with men after men, 'fuckboys' after another, but she still comes to Church, agreeing to every preaching and praising God with the same mouth she uses for God knows what.

The Church is a house for sinners, but we never seem to repent no matter what.

Here I am, having to sit through another hour or so. Sitting, standing, kneeling, singing, responding. Every Sunday, it is the same thing over and over again makes me understand how our generation feels like the older ones are boring as hell. Everyone kneels down in silence, praying as they took the Eucharist. I haven't been taking it since the day I found no point of it. I always wondered what it would feel like to feel the presence of God.