Rules, Secrecy, Love, and A Whole Big Mess

Guilty Soul

For the majority of sophomore year, Mauricio and I were secretly dating. Again. I was smarter this time in how i hid it but mom still caught on in the month of june. We cuddled and held hands and kissed each other's cheek when no one was around. It was a difficult task to resist flirting though. We did flirt openly and people would ask if we were dating and we would both deny it. I didnt want it known by the students because it could spread and reach my mom's ear. So no one could know. At the end of the year though...i broke down in front of Mauricio. I felt so guilty for doing the same thing again. Hiding it from her out of fear. I was terrified to tell her mainly because i felt that she would cut me off completely from him. As i cried and spilled my feelings in Mauricio's arms he sighs and tells me to do one thing.

"Tell your mom. You need to. I hate seeing you suffer like this. Tell her Ana."

I sniffle then speak, "B-but I'm terrified...i d-don't know if i c-can do that..."

"Ana...if you don't i will." he spoke with a tone that told me he meant buisness. I nodded once to show i understood. I had to tell her. I wanted to at least tell her this time rather than she find out by chance or by someone other than me. I wanted to be brave for once. The guilt was killing me inside anyways and i wanted to feel relief from that. The only way was to come clean. So i write my mom a letter telling her what i did and how i felt. Mauricio felt guilty for supporting me to lie and keep secrets. He didnt like how it made me feel and he didnt like that i had done that to my mom.

It was the first day of exams. I finished writing the letter in my first hour. I wanted Mauricio to read it before i gave it to my Mom to make sure what i said he agreed with. So during passing time i meet him and give him the letter. He stands there and reads it, nods, then gives it back.

"Good." he said gravely. We both were scared of what mom might do to us. I felt myself sweating. Mauricio went to his second hour andi went to my Mom's office on the third floor. When i came into her office she was confused but as she studied my face a bit longer she asked,

"Honey, what's wrong? You look like you're about to cry. And why are you here shouldn't you be taking an exam?"

I look down as the tears start to fall. My voice shaky and my mind focused on getting out of there. I hand her the letter.

"H-here...just r-read that" i sobbed then ran out the door to my second hour exam. I felt slightly relieved but still anxious about the punishment to follow. I took my exam half focused and halfly stressed. As i waited for the bell to ring i wondered what would come after school. My guilt slowly evaporating i started to calm down. But i still felt sick.

"Gosh what have i done..." i muttered watching the clock in anticipation.