Rules, Secrecy, Love, and A Whole Big Mess

A New Beginning

School is back again. I'm a sophomore now. Things between me and Mauricio are strictly friendly. But...a part of me feels a bit more. And i hate it because I have a crush also on Jarrad. I don't want to like Jarrad like that but i do. For the most part though, at the beginning of the year, i was focused on my school work.

About two weeks into September Mauricio gets a new girlfriend, Emma. Being the good friend that i am, i was supportive and rooted for Mauricio. Even though i felt the sting of jealousy and was reminded that everything he told me last year was a lie, i made sure to be happy for him. But his relationship with Emma lasted two weeks at max before she dumped him. I smiled internally. But his time being single again was cut short. He then got another girlfriend, Andréa, whom put him through a lot of pain. I helped him and gave him advice for i was his best friend.

While Mauricio was with Andréa i was dealing with my internal struggles. On October 30th i found out Jarrad's last day with us would be the 31st. I cried a lot on and off. At lunch that day i offered to help Mauricio with his biology work. As we did that i waited for jarrad to show up and try not to cry. When he sat down he said,

"I heard about you crying earlier..." i nod and im trying so hard not to cry. I look down as to not look at him. When i peek up he does this goofy little dance that would usually make me giggle. But all it did was rip the tears out of my body. The thought echoing in my head,

"I...i won't see him again ever after tomorrow.."

I looked down trying to hide my tears. I turn to the wall and hit my head against it feeling dumb for crying. Keeping my eyes shut hoping no one would comment. The Jarrad gets up and comes to me.

"Stand up Ana, and hug me." he says from behind me.

"N-no..." i say through my sobbing.

"Why? Come on you can do it. Stand up."

"I-I'm embarrassed ..."

He sighs and tells me to get up and i finally do. When i do he gives me a big warm bear hug. And i hug him back tight not wanting to let my friend leave. I dampen his shirt with my tears and we stand there hugging for a long time. Then Mauricio, my friends Kayla, Abby, and Nate add to the hug. I felt loved but i really just wanted to hug Jarrad and keep him close. His body was thin but warm and strong. And me being a lot shorter i felt safe. Jarrad whispers to me,

"It'll be okay Ana..."

And all i can do is cry. We stayed like that for awhile. Then once i was out of tears they let me go and we went on with the day.

The next day i had a goodbye letter and a drawing for Jarrad. But he doesnt recieve them. He leaves early without a goodbye and breaking my heart. It hurt. And still does. Sometimes i cry still. I turned to Mauricio for comfort and support. I needed it badly.

Fast forward to January. Me and Mauricio are having a late night conversation over Facebook. And suddenly we both realize we still like each other. The realization physically hurt us. I could feel my heart being stabbed with ice. It hurt so badly. Upon this realization Mauricio breaks up with Andrèa for the third and final time. From then on me and Mauricio started the same cycle once more.