Lovesick Fool

Nineteen

Raph's P.O.V

Because I love you dammit!

The air from my lungs had disappeared.

I love you.

The second time killed me. I wanted to scream at him to shut up. Those words went through my ears and straight out. They have lost meaning to me. No one has ever loved me. I'm always misled.

The thing is, Leo has this hook on me. He manages to erase my struggles. He makes me forget how much I hate myself. He's a shy guy, but when it comes to me, he lets out a side that I'm attracted to.

A side that makes me feel wanted.

So when he goes away, I feel an even worse pain than my injury. A worse pain than Mona Lisa breaking up with me because there's someone else better for her.

I limp my way to my room. I'm shaking so badly. At the top of my bed, I find my camera. It takes forever for me to open it and push the play button. My stupid trembling finger won't let me do shit.

I play the only video I have saved in this camera. It is from our very first prank together. Ms. Knight is screaming and our laughter is loud. That was really fun.

Then the photos come out. A picture of Leo scanning through the aisle. He was looking for the perfect insect for this whole event. His eyes are closed and his mouth is set in a straight line.

In another one, he has a spider on his hand. His hand is on his chin as if studying the spider. His eyes are squinting. Several are like that but with different insects. I had stopped taking pictures of him until this lady stopped me.

It's funny. I was acting like his little stalker that day.

I laugh at the realization and then sob. I'm sorry mom, I think. One tear isn't enough to cover the absence of Leo.

I know what I need to do.

***

Leo's P.O.V

Such a fool.

I should've asked him about his relationship status or something. Too foolish of me to not consider that part.

What scares me the most is that I don't plan to stay away from him. I know that tomorrow I will be at his house again, begging him to forget everything. I'll do anything to at least be friends. It will be painful, but a bit better than to lose him completely.

Dammit, I'm so pathetic.

I message Liz. I tell her everything again. My previous message was so content and now its mournful. She replies by telling me that everything is going to be okay. The typical stay strong message and keep your head up. She tells me how she's been out on a trip, visiting her uncles. Its dark outside, almost midnight and I should be sleeping.

Without warning, my doorbell rings. Its so loud that it startles me. I groan and head over to my house. For some reason I have in mind that its Liz on her way to comfort me.

I open the door without even looking who it is. "Don't even bother giving me your sym-," I begin and stop midsentence.

Raph's jaw is clenched. His hands are curled into fists. As an instinct, I shrink. His face softens and his sweaty hand moves to the back of his neck.

"It's fucking cold," he mutters.

"Raph," I squeak. My heart skips a beat. He doesn't look drunk at all. I had in mind that he would drink considering the circumstances. My anger flushes away, replaced by relief.

I jump into his arms and hug him tightly. He hugs me back even though he is hurt. I want to stay like this forever. Heck, someone can shoot me and I'd be happy to die in his arms.

"I'm," he murmurs. "I-I'm sorry."

I release him and take him inside my house. My poor angel is shivering as he attempts to speak.

"When I said I was using you to get over her, I didn't mean it in the way you thought," he explains. "I meant it in a good way. I needed you to distract me from-"

"Don't mention her name please," I speak out. Mona Lisa must be destroyed one way or another. Never knew I could be so violent.

"Leo I'm just so dazed about everything. First of all, I didn't expect a guy to make me fucking happy. All my life I've been attracted to her that I never dared myself to look at other people."

He is so charming. He moves his hands in the form of demonstration. His voice is so delicate yet strong at the same time. I just want to kiss him.

"I love you so much," I spill out for the third time today.

"What?"

"You're so corruptive. You're so stubborn. You're also so blind," I say and cup his face. "You're so stupid to go back with her. You are poor at saying what you really mean. You are also very lazy. You're so mean. You cuss so damn much."

"Gosh thanks," he says and I smile. I lay my forehead against his. He lets out a breath that he had been holding in for a long time.

"Guess what Raph? Those are exactly the things I love about you," I say. This feels as good as coming out of the closet. Pure ease.

"Do you mean that?" He asks quietly.

"I mean that more than anything."

"I hurt you."

"I understand why though," I say.

"How can you love me? I don't even love myself," he replies.

"Then let me help you," I say in a low voice. "You have to stop telling me things without explaining. Let me in," I beg.

"I don't like to do that," he says.

"You asked me to save you. You made me promise. Remember that?"

He nods and closes his eyes.

"Save you from what Raph?"

He looks up. His eyes are red and dilated. He finds my hand and intertwines our fingers together. Then he helplessly shrugs.

"From myself."

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You guys are so demanding...I love it.

I will update again today soon, just not right away. Please be patient with me! c: