Never Be Alone//Shawn Mendes

20

"She's planning. I don't know what, and I don't know when, but I heard her talking. She said she had a plan, to hurt you, and worse this time. I'm nervous Nicole." Shawn talks fast and he's white as a ghost. I've never seen ho this worried before.

"It's ok Shawn, she won't hurt me with some buff babe like you around." I winks at him and he fakes a tiny smile.

"But I can't be with you all the time. I can't watch you, I can't help you. And I can't stand that feeling!" Shawn gets angry, banging his fist on the table, many kids looking towards us. He leans in and whispers, "I can't lose you, I almost did once, and it was something I never want to go through again."

One tear streaks Shawn's face and I wipe of off with my thumb, holding his face in my hands.

"You know your so handsome? Your everything a girl could want, how did I get so lucky?" I place a soft kiss on his shaky lips and looking into his big, sad, brown eyes, falling in love all over again.
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Class was burning and draggy, as I sat in the back near the window, watching the clock. Hayes say beside me, a boy who then hands me a folder.

"The girl at the locker next to mine asked me to give this to you," He whispers, and I pull the pink folder from his grasp. Opening it up, I see pages and pages of loose leaf paper, all with writing. I pull out each one, reading them slowly. The first one reads 'A BooK aBouT tHe uGly LiFe of NiCOLe SummeRS'. I can tell Emily wrote it, not being able to capitalize showed her straight C record.

Each paper had a name of a student at our school on the top, then something they thought about me on the rest of the page. I read each one, setting them on my desk as I go. They each say:

•I don't think anyone would notice if she killed herself
•She just adds another ugly to our beautiful school, and no on needs that around
•I don't know her, and I know everyone
•I've talked to her once. She's very.. What's the word?  A totally attention- seeking, ugly ass hoe? Yea, that's it
•She could get hit by a bus for all I care

As I look at the folder, I let a tear fall. I'm surprised by the nasty things people have said, when they don't even know me. They don't even KNOW ME. How could people do this? It's not fair. What did I ever do? Nothing. And that's why. The kids who get picked on, we're the nobody's: the nerds, the geeks, the band kids, the anorexic kids, the bigger kids, the chorus members, the debate club, the silent ones. The ones who are made fun of are always the several of us that can't help liking to do different things than everyone else, can't help what we look like, can't help how we easily learn and like school lessons. And I was getting tired of always being that girl, that person. Sometimes, it made me feel so upset, so worthless, and I just wanted to scream.
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The bell rings as I walk into the girl's bathroom, unzipping a pocket in my bag that I haven't opened in 3 years. I grab the sharp, metallic square and hold it out in front of me, thinking. The razor hovers over my wrist, my breathing heavy. What was I doing? Hearing footsteps, I toss the razor in my bag and thank god that someone had to use the bathroom at the same time. A senior walks in and I jog out, trying to wipe the evidence of tears from my puffy eyes.