Fuck You, Rant Book

I hate what i have being through, I hate my past i hate it, this is my life.

My Life....
Okay so this is my life and I'm going to explain my past and my insecurities that I have, it all started in 3rd grade... People would bully me and people would pull my down, I didn't take much notice I usually just ignored it and carried on with my life, By the time I was 12 it got worse I started suffering depression it wasn't all that great, Years got so hard for me I started struggling with everything, Myself, My self-esteem the way I thought about myself, People would bash me and people would say cruel words to me I couldn't take it so I went to the next step I started Cutting myself, It helped and I usually got an adrenaline rush through me with the site of blood I started having a frenzy I wanted to go so much deeper, I then got worse as the days carried on, My family use to argue and fight with me I hated myself for that I didn't want to be living I usually thought to myself maybe they will end up realizing that I'm that type of girl who hides everything behind one smile, I use to go to my room each night in tears hoping that one day my life would be ended I never wanted to be around people, I mean I just wanted to lock myself in my room, which then I did, I went to school for 6 hrs a day, I then came home and ran into my room pulling my bed up against my door so no one would come in I never ate I just started starving myself, I never wanted to be here I wanted to know why god brang me into this life, cos all I ended up doing was being a fuck up, I then had suicidal thoughts with voices in my head telling me to kill myself, saying that I'm never gonna be good enough so then I got my razor out and I started cutting it lead to really severe damage I ended up in a mental institute because of it I didn't want them to save me but they did but I guess nothing is right, I then started getting effected by anoxia, I started losing so much weight I became weak I knew my ending was soon, I realized I had people who loved me I had people who cared for me that's why they saved me every time I wanted to die they wanted me to be a girl alive not another girl dead, I then went out one night and sat with my parents they were shocked at the sight of me being this thin with scars all over my body and bruises, They sat me down and talked to me through so much on their lives and how they felt when they were younger, I wasn't the only one suffering all this and I believed I was the only one suffering but the truth always comes out, They talked to me through so much they ended up making me go to the doctors to get on the depressants and an appointment with a specialist at head space I met this women she looked like how I was only a couple weeks ago she had scars on her arms from when she was younger we sat there for hours talking about our lives and what we can do to help it, She then set me goals I followed them, They were great goals on me gaining weight again from throwing my razors out etc.

Now you look at me I still have my insecurities I still have many scars on my body from attempted suicide and suicidal thoughts, You see every one of my scars tells a story and how I survived them every one of my scars are never going away they will stay with me forever and I'll have a story when I'm older, I'm a fighter and I'm a survivor, This is me, Tasharna Aimee Hempenstall
I didn't go into much detail with the fights and everything but at least I know now that I'm much better than I was 2months ago..

2months ago I was a wreck, I was doing shit that was so bad and there wasn't any good to it, I would go out and run away I would smoke shit that I shouldn't touch, I wouldn't care I was a wreck always in tears on how much of a wreck I was on how much of a fuck up I felt, On how many times I did shit and hurt my family, How many chances do you get you get none your always in the wrong wanting to be "cool" well no doing weed and running away from your family that loves you to death and hurting them, hurting them with threats hurting them with words, Physically making them want to break down, I was a wreck and I regret every ounce of it I never want to go back down that track again, I have felt trapped inside myself for years, for years I thought I was never good enough for years I thought I should just end it all, for years I spent crying my eyes out trying to reach out for help, for years I couldn't bare living, for years I wanted to be dead, But I figured myself out quickly I stopped myself in so much, I promised my parents that I would change and make a better person I hated school I was always out wagging and doing shit I was always yelling at teachers getting in fights putting people in hospital, I hurt so many people along the lines and I scared people I always looked like the bad guy, Anyway getting to the bit where I said I changed yeah I did but it took several months to figure it out, I started focusing on school, Ignoring all the hate and bullshit that crept my way I was Tasharna and I knew I was better than this so I focused I did the right things I stopped cutting I stopped trying to kill myself I have too much of where that came from always trying to kill myself in so much, Not wanting to live, Not wanting to be able to do things without my parents being so angry and protective because of what I did to myself, I learnt my lessons I learnt a lot and I'm not going back, I'm not going to go back into my past, I'm going to go forward and I will keep going forward until I have my life back on track..