Post Meridiem

5:04

Wednesday

I am a high stress person. Not 'high stress' as in, I react highly to stress (although

I do), but 'high stress' as in I am always stressed. It doesn't matter when the

deadline is or what the project is or who the person is or what they said

or why they want to meet or if I've known them nine years or none. It 

matters that I won't meet the deadline, I won't meet the deadline,

I won't meet the deadline, and it matters that I don't have an

idea for the project, I have no ideas, I have no ideas, I have no

ideas, and it matters what I said and it matters that they

laughed when I turned around, they laughed when I turned

around, they laughed when I turned around, why would 

they laugh? It matters that I know she's going to ask 

why I'm failing, why am I failing, why am I failing? 

It matters that no, I can't talk to you, you know 

me too well. I can't talk to you, I can't talk to you, 

I can't talk to you. It matters that I can't talk at

all, I can't talk, I can't talk, and it matters that 

I want to talk, let me speak, let me speak, 

let me speak. It matters that my tears 

are stronger than my words

and I cannot speak without

crying myself numb.