Bullied

Chapter 2

Chapter two. LUCINDA

"Keep on, Shannon."

"And at the same time I wake up." I say and take a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves.

"What's new? You had this dream since you and Tim started dating exclusively." Lucinda, my therapist says.

"Just... this time it was a little different. I opened my eyes, again, and I could see everything that happened in the room clearly. Which, like you already know, isn't normal. I am lying in my bed, with my pajames. There's a cup of coffee, and it's half empty on the my drawer. I stand up and I'm in this beautiful black dress and I know that I am beautiful. But as I go to the mirror I have a face ripped and torn and full of scars, all of a sudden I'm in the street and I see on a shop window that my birth mark is gone from my face and I'm like a whole new person when I notice my clothes are ripped and dirty and that it seems that I haven't been in a good shower for a while. Then I-"

"You wake up. But again, Shannon, it doesn't change a thing."

"Yes it is! I've never been out in my dreams!"

"Maybe your mind tries to tell youn that you feel vulnerable. We already accomplished that your insecurity comes from years of abusement from kids at your school, you don't let people love you and show you love because you feel like you don't deserve it. If I use your exact words, you feel like everyone is much better than you. But you are not that girl anymore. You've grown and you should've come to a place where you realize,"

"Realize that they were kids and they didn't understand their actions. Just trying to be one of the people by doing what kids do, use the weak link. Yeah I know." I say and I take my leg out of my maroon colored heel. "I know that. But this thought, this feeling that this birth mark will follow me forever! And I can't remove it, it'll.leave a scar."

"You have a fiancé that loves you, a good friend, friends and coworkers, what makes you look so down at yourself?"

I'm thinking before I get to the clear answer. I don't realize why I didn't think of it before but I look at Lucinda with a gaze of relief.

"There are a fee reasons. The first of them is Ryan. A guy that used to go to my school and harass me anytime he could, but our relationship was complicated, second, there's a girl inside of me that just can't let go, yet still from reasons I don't know she won't let me go. And third, seeing Clyde changing himself, becoming this great cold business man and leaving this fatty cute kid he used to be behind makes me want to change myself too but my problem is not fixable."

"Why isn't it fixable?"

"I don't know. I think Clyde sees himself as the fat kid until now. He started dating this perfect girl, Naveen. She's beautiful. Up until now I knew he loved me but I figured it was because he didn't think he could do any better but now... maybe now he starts realizing that he changed."

Lucida looks at me quietly before opening her mouth slowly.

"Why do you always keep returning to Clyde?" She asks.

"I love him, I guess. He's a great friend of mine and I'm worried about him."

"Have you ever thought that your relationship, that sometimes seems more stronger than your relationship, is so stronger because both of you feel like you need someone who is damaged in their life?"

"What?"

"Maybe that's why both of you, from what I hear, don't let go of the kids you used to be?"

I start laughing. I can't believe she just said this nonsense. Me and Clyde would never turn each other back from each other future. Never.

"Its not that. Me and Clyde... we're not like that."

"I have a question to you. You gave me a few reasons to why you're not changing. The last, because you can't."

I look at her office. This nice, brown colored office. It supposed to resemble a home but it just reminds me of the summer for a reason. Probably the colors. All different shades of brown.

"The fact is that I did changed and even if I'm not sure of it, people do love me." I say.

"Then this reason is deleted. The second reason is because if that girl. But keeps her there?"

"I was wondering too. Maybe some people from my school years."

"Maybe this Ryan guy. Can you tell me about him?" Lucinda eyes were studying me, trying to get any little reaction towards that boy that is now a man, called Ryan.

"Ryan Goddart. He's thirty years old now, like me, have a blonde hair, not a dirty blonde like Clyde but this platinum blonde and black eyes. Well, obviously they're not black, they're just really dark brown but they always looked black to me. I have no idea what he's doing nowadays but I do know that at the age of seven or eight, I think it was seven at the first few months of the beggining of the school year that he attacked Clyde with a knife. He was suspended, I guess they sent him somewhere to a place for young convicits. He returned to our school after two years."

"Why do I get the feeling you had a deeper relationship with him? How could you know his eyes were brown if they seemed black?" Lucida was smart. And she was here to help me. I needed to remind that to myself since I felt like I need to hide this piece of my life from her as well.

"You feel that way because me and Ryan weren't only... enemies? We also slept together since we were seventeen until the end of high school."

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Hope you enjoyed this chapter. This was my third chapter today! I wrote at the middle of the night, at the morning and at the evening... geez.

Please comment and vote.

TBY