The Meaning Of Eternity (TMOE #1)

Chapter 25: Go back

Silence.

It was all he could process at the time. No matter how many people tried talking to him or kept yelling at others to get the guards, he heard nothing.

He wasn't coming up from there. Never. Anthony was gone. If he hadn't died from being shot twice he almost certainly would've drowned by now, and a paralyzing wave rushed through Lucius' body.

His chest hurt.

Much like with the rest of the people he didn't acknowledge the guards either. Part of him wanted to do something so they wouldn't drag him away for questioning, but they didn't bother after he refused to reply anyway.

Sitting still on the frozen harbor would likely have him catch a cold or worse, but why would it matter? Even as the others had left, figuring they couldn't retrieve any corpse from the icy water, Lucius stayed.

Where would he go? Back to Tom and Richard? How could he face them after this? And how could he go back when he knew Anthony wouldn't be there? Not ever again.

As the sky shifted to orange behind the clouds Lucius slowly brought his knife out.

He should've done something. He hadn't even thought about using it to defend the both of them. Had it been out of fear? Panic? They weren't things he'd usually be swayed by.

"See? How many times have I told you to discard those restrictive emotions of yours?"

For the love of Dyris, not now.

He tried emptying his head. Anything to make that sickening Scourge go away or at least leave his thoughts alone.

"Am I wrong? You probably could have saved him if that fear of yours hadn't—"

"Don't act like this wasn't you!" Lucius looked around as soon as he'd snapped. Fortunately no one was around anymore.

No one.

He curled up, nails digging into his thighs as he fought the tears back. How many times was it now? How many times had he lost people he'd cared about?

"Just—Just go away," he whispered under a sob. "We're—I... I'm not doing this anymore."

"You knew what would happen. We had already decided it from the beginning, and I did my part. Your feelings were foolish and irrelevant."

"Maybe," Lucius mumbled. "But they were worth more than any title you could give me."

"Regardless, the deed is done, and you can—"

"I can't!" Lucius shook his head. "I'm done with you! I'm—I'm done with everything!"

"So you wasted your soul for nothing... I suppose I'm not as surprised as I thought I would be."

Lucius' eyes narrowed, and his lip trembled as he looked down at his knife again.

Was he giving up?

He knew how sharp the blade was. He could just make it stop. Every painful memory would be gone, and he'd be as well. No one else would have to suffer and he wouldn't have to go through the emotional torture that was his tragic life.

A flicker in the corner of his eye suddenly caught his attention, and he turned his head to spot a small creature sitting further away on the wharf.

Lucius narrowed his eyes with a frown.

He'd never seen such a creature before. The closest he could compare it to would be a cat, but the eyes were big and bulging and if he wasn't mistaken he was pretty sure it had hands. Small, fur covered hands, but certainly not paws like a cat would have. It couldn't be a grim either, since they were unable to leave their graveyards.