Ambiguity (Urban)

Introduction

(Published September 26, 2015)

am·bi·gu·i·ty ambəˈɡyo͞owədē/ (noun):

A lack of decisiveness or commitment resulting from a failure to make a choice between alternatives.

Synonyms: uncertainty, doubtfulness, vagueness

"Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given to you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer."

                           - Rainer Maria Rilke

Taylor Chung

"Taylor!.. Taylor! Wake up!"

I fluttered my eyes open, only to see Ms. Miles, my landlord, hovering over me.

"Huh? Wh-what happened?" I slowly sat up in the couch of the small, one bedroom basement that I rented.

"You've been asleep for hours since you came in this morning. I have Cristian upstairs eating brunch; Poor baby was starving."

I wiped the sleep from my eyes, and rubbed my temple to relieve the hangover I was beginning to feel. "Um, thank you Ms. Miles. You didn't have to."

"But I did have to. When you came in this morning from God knows where, you literally passed out on the couch. I came down here to see if you were okay, but you were out. My guess is you were beyond drunk. Now, you're a grown ass woman and I'm not ya' momma, but I care about you. Any decision you make in life will affect that smart, 3 year old boy of yours upstairs. You can't continue like this Taylor."

"So are you questioning my parenting skills now?"

"I don't have to, so I won't. You know where you stand as a parent. If you think it's lacking, that's for you to fix. I'll only extend my help where needed. I know how much you love Cristian, I just want you to make the right decisions. He's a smart boy, and he gets that from you."

Even though Ms. Miles was my landlord, she was somewhat my guardian angel. I didn't live quite the peachy lifestyle. I was what you call someone who takes each day as it comes. I've known Ms. Miles pretty much all my life, as she was a friend of the family. My parents and I don't talk, so she took me in when I was beneath rock bottom.

I was in my sophomore year of college when I found out I was pregnant with Cristian. I had no plans of becoming a mother during that time, nor was I in a relationship with Cristian's father, Brandon. He was someone I'd 'kick it' with from time to time on campus, but I knew Brandon ultimately never wanted a relationship or future with me. After I had Cristian, Brandon was never around and removed himself completely from Cristian and I's life. So I had to continue on without having him around.

My next 2 years of college, I struggled tremendously. Not having a babysitter to watch Cristian, and not being able to provide for him financially. I bounced from place to place, not having a stable home. That's when one day, I ran into Ms. Miles at a bus stop shed nearby. We caught up on life and she extended her home to me. The agreement was once I graduated college, I had to find a job and begin to pay rent.

After graduation, I couldn't find a decent job. I did everything from bartending, retail, and waitressing. You'd think with a college degree in Business Administration, I'd be able to land my dream job. Everywhere I applied to required experience. All my life I feel like I've been plagued with terrible luck. The only thing I looked forward to in life was Cristian. He's all I have. And I barely succeeded at being the mother he deserves.

Last night, I went out for drinks with Mira, someone I consider a good friend of mine. We worked together when I was bar tending, and she knows my situation; she always looks out for me. Mira warned me not to drink too much, but I had way too many things on my brain to properly function. So I tried ridding them the only way I knew how; alcohol. I know both Mira and Ms. Miles were disappointed in my actions last night, but I didn't care. I know I have to change some things around in my life.

I've been hurt over and over, so I'm way passed self-consciousness. They don't feel what I feel. They don't struggle like I struggle. They don't hurt like I hurt. I just want to be the best role model and example for Cristian, but I'm incompetent and incapable of doing just that.

****

I present to you all, my newest creation... Ambiguity.

I value my readers and followers, so I need your feedback. Leave your thoughts in the comments or you can message me.

What are your thoughts? How do you like it?

This book is an urban fiction. No famous ppl will be present in this story, which should be more relatable.

I hope you guys enjoy this book as I am excited to write it for you all!

-Yanique