A Life's Worth

Shattered Dreams

She hadn't noticed the cuts on her. She hadn't see the fragments of glass that lay around and on her. She didn't feel the tears dripping on to her porcelain hands as she clenched onto the leather of her skirt. She didn't hear the shemlen behind her. Her mind seemed to go blank. The only thing she registered was her one repeating thought; he's dead. He's dead. Tamlen is dead.

The shemlem started to pull his sword out from where it lay before her. She didn't care. He sighed to himself. "Darkspawn are coming," he announced. She didn't care. The shemlem began to guide her up. She didn't care. She watched as the glass particles fell off her, sparkling as they descended. She didn't care....

Why did he touch the mirror? Why didn't I warn him? I felt the evil swarming the mirror as if it were a moth and the mirror, a flame. I could've saved him. Shielded him from the blast. I could've done something, anything! Why did I just stand there like I was the one sealing his fate? Why didn't I save him?!

"Calm down, child," the shemlen's voice rang through her pointed ears.

Why did he touch the mirror? Why did he deserve this fate? Why did I feel so relieved when I woke up with him being trapped in the cave? Why didn't I stress the option of going to the keeper? I could've done something, anything! How could this have happened? Why didn't I save him?

"We are nearly to your camp."

Because I couldn't. I was weak. I was scared. I didn't want to risk my life. I was selfish. How could I be so terrible? So cowardly? So greedy? I can't let this happen again. I can't be like that anymore. I should've saved him. I could've saved him. Why did he touch the mirror?

"What has become of Tamlen?" the keeper of her clan asked.

"He's dead. He touched the mirror," Eloriel answered, sobbing into the keeper. "And I didn't save him."

The keeper looked to the shemlen for answers. The shemlem responded to every question in full detail, his pity coating every syllable. "And what about the mirror, Duncan?" Eloriel froze, she knew what had happened after the shemlem, Duncan, told her of the mirror and Tamlen. She grabbed his sword and swung it at the damned glass, her emotions behind the blow.

And of course this Duncan knew that. And of course this Duncan was a shemlem. And of course shemlems enjoyed putting others down. So of course he would tell, in the most explicit way what she had done.

"I am sorry keeper, but I had to destroy it."

Eloriel paused in her grieving to look at the shemlem. Why would he do that? Why did he spare me from the keeper's wraith? Eloriel then giggled to herself as she imagined the keeper's fury that was expressed in a week-long lecture. Oh, how dreadfully boring those were.

Duncan looked her way as she continued to giggle and gave her a warm smile.

"I am glad you are feeling better."

Eloriel slowly nodded with a small smile as the keeper rubbed her shoulder. "She's known for being able to bounce right back on her feet, among other things."

Duncan gave the keeper a curious look. "Other things, you say?"

"Primarily archery, but she's sharp with daggers." The keeper laughed at her own pun as Eloriel rolled her eyes a smile coming back. Duncan looked back at Eloriel, assessing her. "That explains the lack of darkspawn as we left." Eloriel unstrapped her bow and handed it to Duncan. "It's mainly because I used a quick bow so that I could shoot faster even if I have less accuracy." Duncan nodded along.

The keeper suddenly coughed and the two looked up to her. "Duncan, I am sure we have things to discuss, come, we'll speak in my aravel."

Soon Eloriel was left alone until the clan's first approached her.

"You numbskull!" the elf shouted. "You were instructed to bring me along!" Eloriel scratched her chin as she looked up, as if trying recall something. "Really? Because I remember. Maybe I just didn't hear the keeper?" Merrill glared at Eloriel, her anger increasing until it seemed to be at a boiling point.

"Merrill?" Eloriel said with a brittle voice that contrasted from her usual perky, high-pitched silvery voice. "What?" Seeing Eloriel's face fall, she lost all her anger and pulled her into a hug. "Tamlen he's...." Merrill just hushed the rouge. "You tried, Eloriel. That is what really matters." Eloriel shakily nodded, taking deep breaths. Merrill let go of Eloriel and nodded towards the camp. "I'll inform the clan, you should go find some place to cool off." Eloriel smiled at the mage and thanked her before leaving.

Eloriel soon found herself next to a small stream, looking into the the clear water at what was a fair woman. Parts of her light ash blonde hair had fallen out of the braid making her look like she had been running around, which she had for a time.

Without much thought, in one swift motion she had pulled out one of her daggers and cut of most of her long hair so that it now just barely passed the shoulders. She decided to keep her straight intact as she always did. This will be a reminder of what I have lost today, she thought with a small smile. May he never be forgotten, not matter what. And may I never grieve aloud again.

Satisfied, Eloriel stood up and looked once more in the river. "Tamlen, may the creators guide the path to your new life," she whispered, turning back to the village.

Just as Eloriel arrived at the village, the keeper called for her. "What for?" Eloriel asked Merrill who in turn, shrugged. "She must have some questions," Eloriel guessed with another shrug. She waved to Ashalle, the elder how had been taking care of her and had just told her about the story of her parents only a week ago. Instinctively, Eloriel
thumbed the necklace the once belonged to her mother, now so old and worn it looks like a piece of wood a child would make for a friend.

"Yes, keeper?" Eloriel asked as she enter the aravel. The keeper motioned for her to join her and Duncan who had not left yet. Eloriel cautiously made her way over to them, the silence of the keeper alerting her.

What did the shemlen do? Did he want compensation for his deed? Did he threaten the clan? Or does it have something to do with.... "Is this about the mirror?"

"Yes, it does concern the mirror, and how you were affected by it," Duncan answered with a frown.

"Eloriel, Duncan tells me that you are dying in a quicker manner. That even my ancient magic will not be able to help you." The keeper look warily at the shemlen next to her as Eloriel gasped.

"So I'm going to die?"

"There's another way that is permanent," the keeper continued.

"Keeper? What are you saying?"

"Eloriel. You're going to join the Grey Wardens."