Hello August, Please Be Good To Me

Chapter 44: In My Spirit

It's one of those lazy Sundays, and for once there's nothing to ruin my sense of peace. My head is propped up in one hand, the better to watch my movie on my laptop. I'm halfway through my list of movies on my new Netflix account when the phone rings. I let it ring for a while before groaning and pulling myself from the comfort of my bedroom. It stops ringing just as I reach for it. "Oh no, no, no. You ain't just gonna ring and then stop 'cause I'm here." I pick up the phone and start going through the caller I.D., recognizing Justin's number as the most recent. I hit the number and take the phone back to my room. "Hello?" I hear him ask and I launch in to my mini rant. "Justin, why are you calling the house phone? You made me walk all the way to the damn kitchen, why didn't you just call my phone?"

Justin tries to be snappy like me but he can't hide the excitement in his voice. "I did call you're phone, you should probably check. But guess what? I got another tattoo!" I pull the phone away from me just to give it a disgusted look before placing it back on my ear. "You made me get up for a tattoo?" He isn't deterred though. "Just look at your phone, I sent you the design." I reach over my bed to my dresser to get my phone and realized it's turned off. Oh. "It wasn't on," I admit sheepishly. I go to my messages and click on the photo Justin sent me. My heart gets stuck in my chest as I stare at the cursive script on his upper back.

and miles to go before i sleep

I've seen that before. Where have I seen that before? My sense of peace is fast unraveling, and I go back out of my room, into the living room and look on the walls and mantel, frantic. "You see it?" Justin asks still happy, but I don't say anything. Quickly I scan the room for the picture of my mom when she was at Danté's Parent Day at school. She has her hair up in a tight, large bun, and the tie-dye shirt my brother proudly made. Underneath is the typed quote now tattooed to my boyfriend's back. My dad said that was her go to saying while she was sick, and a strong sense of dread bubbles in my stomach.

"Lyric?"

"Justin, why did you get this?"

"...I wanted another tat..?"

"Why did you get this quote? Why this one?!"

"Lyric, hey calm down, it just means,"

"I know what it means," I gasp. It's really just a harmless sentence...I don't know why I feel so clammy. But I do. "Hey I-I'll call you back," I say, and hang up. I sit there, breathing hard, pushing back all the things coming into my head at once. It's not even time to go to bed, and I'm having trouble settling my nerves. When staying in place doesn't do anything, I get up to go in the kitchen for some water, to give my legs, hands, and mind something else to do. My phone rings, and I know it's Justin. Maybe talking it out will help after all. I leave the water jug out and go into my room to retrieve my phone. The icon for FaceTime appears across my screen, and I slide my finger across to unlock it. "What's wrong?" seeing Justin's face brings me some comfort, but I still can't shake off whatever is bothering me. "I don't know," I say. When Justin doesn't respond, instead waiting for me to say more, I shrug, and thank God for my dry face. "Lyric, please?" I don't know if I want to share my fear just yet. It sounds absurd to me. Yeah, so your tattoo? It freaks me out because my mom, who died, took that as her death quote. When she died? I just knew. It' s like my mind is trying to relate two events together that don't fit. "Just stay on the screen for a little bit," I smile, and I'm surprise how easy it comes. Justin visibly relaxes, and he makes small talk as my heart slows its racing.

God, don't take him away from me too.

"I'm coming to get you," Justin says, but I don't hear. "Huh?" Keys jingle in his hand. "I'll be there in like fifteen, okay?" He doesn't give me a chance to say anything in response when he hangs up. It's probably for my own good. I pace around in the living room waiting for him. On the third time I pace by the picture, I reach out and snatch the slip of paper with that damn quote and toss it in the trash. The doorbell rings and I don't hesitate.

I feel bad, looking over at Justin. Here he was, excited to show me something and I couldn't even pretend to be happy for him. "Where do you want to go?" I ask, and he shrugs. "Where ever you want to go." Before I can even consider my options, he interjects, "But the movies. Anything but that." I pretend to pout before thinking again. "Pizza?" I ask, and he nods his head. "Food is always a good idea."

He takes me to the Pizza Hut Buffet, and I pay this time. "No," I say simply, taking his wallet and placing it back in his pocket. We don't do halfsis as much as I'd like, and this feels right. The first round of pizza and salad keeps our conversation to a minimum, and when I look up I see Lindsey and Abby come in. Before I can decide whether to say hi or not, Abby spots me. We lock eyes for a second, and then she whispers something into Lindsey's ear. I raise my hand up into a half wave. She sees me too, and they walk out the restaurant together, leaving my pride more than wounded. I think about how I just let our friendship go. Maybe I did deserve that.

"What?"Justin asks me, and I look back at where my strangers for friends stood. I look down and see that he's laced his fingers with mine. "I think I've just been snubbed.And it hurts like hell."