The Death of Me

Chapter Five

Chapter Five

            That night, I sat on my bed, unwilling to fall asleep while my mind buzzed like a hive of bees. I felt like my whole entire body was numb with shock from the evening’s events. Every time Isaac so much as smiled at me, Gabby would somehow steal his attention.

            Jay and I were left to talk, but he wouldn’t even look at me. He kept glaring at Isaac, and then looking sadly at Gabby. I guess he really did like her, and was jealous at how she kept forcing his brother’s attention on her. I almost felt bad for him, but then I would be angry. Angry at Gabby for stealing my date away, angry at Isaac for letting her, and angry at Jay for ignoring me.

            I, most of all, was hurt. She had ruined my night. I usually wouldn’t let it bother me, but… now that I reflected on it, I realized, she always did that. She always had to be in the spotlight, and she couldn’t stand one second where I was, for once, being noticed more than she was.

            My door banged open, and I looked over to see Gabby strut in, smiling without a care in the world. She fell into the papasan across from me, and giggled like she had her own inside joke. I looked away, feeling stinging in the back of my eyes.

            As much as I wanted to let out my anger, I didn’t want to fight with her. If I had learned something other than the fact that Gabby needs all the attention, it’s the fact that I didn’t want our relationship to be anything resembling Isaac’s and Jay’s. I never wanted to hate my sister, not even a little. We never fought seriously, and we definitely never hurt each other physically in any way that wasn’t playful.

            “Gabby,” I whispered, and then looked over to her so she could get the full force of the hurt in my eyes. She looked taken aback for a moment, and then she leaned forward in her own silent way of telling me to continue. “Why did you do that tonight?”

            “Do what?” she asked, and she looked so innocent, reflecting my hurt expression, as if my pain were her pain. I would’ve believed her virtue, too, her pure naivety, if it hadn’t been for the almost imperceptible flash of satisfaction in her eyes.

            “Oh my God,” I breathed in disbelief, anger taking over before I could help it. “You were trying to do this! You wanted me to feel bad! How dare you?”

            She looked shocked for a moment, and then abandoned all pretense. She probably didn’t care enough anymore to create an aloborate lie about how she didn’t know what I was talking about, and that she was sorry for whatever it was. She wasn’t sorry, so she retaliated. “How dare you, Hillary!” she yelled back, turning defensive. “You are always eyeing my boyfriend like he’s yours to take, and guess what! He isn’t! He doesn’t even like you!”

            “Oh yeah?! Well guess what! When you were squealing like a total idiot, Isaac laughed at you. Your little plan didn’t work,” I hissed. But then she gave me a smug smile and got up to leave, and I realized that, yes, her plan actually did work. Because the point wasn’t to steal Isaac away, it was to show me that Jay only looked at her, and that Isaac didn’t care so much to actively try to spend time with me, no matter how much he confides in me. Her plan was to hurt me. And it worked.

            I was so angry I just wanted to spit. I wanted to punch someone or something, or maybe even Gabby. I wanted to show her that she hadn’t won, and what a bitch she was, and I wanted her to feel the pain I felt and realize how much I hated her right now.

            Is this what Jay felt like all the time? I didn’t like this feeling, so I could only imagine how bad it must be for their sibling relationship.