Love at First Sight || d.w

In Love Alone

Brendon's POV

Just do it, walk into the kitchen and say exactly what you need to say.

"Sarah..." I say leaning against the wall at the opening of the kitchen.

"Yeah, Sweetie?" She tosses some raspberries into the blender and turns to me, "What's wrong? You look almost broken hearted..."

"I wouldn't say that... Just, you love me right? Like really love me? Start a family and be together for the rest of our lives love me?" She's confused I can see. I knew bringing this up would cause worry and I wouldn't walk away without explaining where it's coming from. I can't back out, what's said is said.

"Brendon, of course I love you in a start a family and be together for the rest of our lives love. What happened that made you ask that?"

"It's nothing really," I whisper and try to walk out of the kitchen but she catches my wrist before I make it to the hallway towards the front door.

"Brendon, please...whatever is brining this question up needs to be fixed. Just talk to me."

I bring my eyes to hers but instantly look away when I see the sorrow I filled them with. I try to find my voice but there's nothing. I know the words I want to say, but they won't come out. The tears roll down my face instead. Sarah says something as she engulfs me in a hug but I don't catch it as all I can think about it that a day will come when I'm not longer with Sarah. One way or another something will pull her away from me.

We stand in the kitchen like that for what feels like forever and the tears never seem to go away. I believe Sarah started crying as well, but I'm not so sure because all I can hear is my heart racing, or maybe it's breaking. Everything seems to be a blur.

"Brendon..." Sarah whispers and pulls away so she can see my face and make eye contact but I immediately direct my eyes to the floor, "I need you to talk to me. Please." She lifts my head gently by my chin with her hand and I'm forced to look at her. She hasn't been crying but I can see her blinking back the tears. Probably for my sake.

I hate the pain I cause everyone.

"Do you want the simple or complicated version?"

"I need to know exactly what's happening. I need the complicated version."

I tell her everything. My soul mates theory, how I believe I'm not good enough for her and that there's someone else out there that she's suppose to be with. That I'm not good enough for anyone. And it's her time to cry now with my tears dying out.

"How long have you felt this way?" I debate lying, knowing it would break her if she knows how long I've pretended to be happy. But I also know that lying could make this worse in the end.

"Few months, I guess. I wanted I mention it earlier, once I decided exactly what it was. I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I was scared of what would happen. That maybe you believe it as well. I don't know." She nods and proceeds to wipe her face of the tears that I've caused. As bad as it would be I want to run, run away from everything that I've ever done. All of the agony that my loved ones have gone through. If I had just distanced myself from everyone when I had the chance maybe I wouldn't be in this position, maybe I'd be a better person, or maybe I'd be worse. Maybe I wouldn't be alive. "I'm sorry."

So that's what I do, I run. I have no destination but I run, I run and then I'm not so sure anymore. Not sure of where I am or what I'm doing or who I am. I know the basics. I know my name, I know my age, I know about my band, I know who my wife is, I know who is in pain because of me and my actions, I know what I'm running from. I know I'm drunk. I know that I must be far from where I usually go and where I live when the entire time I'm where I am I see no familiar faces, which is nice, but also not so nice because they might not even be looking for me.

I can't imagine who would be looking for me though, everyone has their own separate problems. I could be their problem and they could be happy that I'm gone. I could keep running, I could, but I'm not so sure I want to. I don't want to leave everyone behind. I can't leave everyone behind. I grab my keys and stand up to leave when a voice stops me.

"Hey man, you've had a lot to drink maybe you shouldn't be driving? Let me call you a cab." I sit back down because it seems right and dying in a car crash due to being drunk would be considered leaving everyone behind.

"Could you write the address of this place down for me? Not exactly sure where I am and I'd like to be able to get my car tomorrow." He nods and starts writing on a napkin. I force myself to focus and look around and finally realise where I am. He hands me the napkin and I know exactly where I am. The bartender tells me the taxi is waiting outside, I thank him, and walk out.

"Where to?"

"Happy Cake Bakery and More. Not sure the exact address but it's on 5th street. I'll tell you when I see it." He stares at me through the mirror as if to ask You know it's past midnight and the place is closed right? And I do know that, but the person I need to talk to tends to stay overnight on Saturdays so I just stare at him until he starts driving.

*****

"This will only take a minute or two, can you wait out here so you can drive me to my actual house when I'm done talking to someone?" The driver seems to hesitate on his answer but agrees to stay until I'm ready. I walk up to the door to the small bakery and knock on the glass door.

"Brendon...what are you doing? Why aren't you at home?" Merideth asks when she opens the door to let me inside.

"Long story. I just needed to say something. Dallon's been through a lot, and he's one of my best friends. Whatever lies you've told need to be cleared up because I don't want him to feel exactly the way I do..."

"Brendon, I don't know what you're talking about. Let me call Sarah she can come pick you up..."

"Don't bother," I scoff and turn back towards the door to leave, "Just don't hurt him."

The taxi driver, whose name is Will, is still there and when I get in he asks for the address he's driving me to and I tell him. When we drive out of the lot I get one last glance at the bakery before its out of sight.

*****

Okay the first 450ish words of this chapter were A+ quality. Then it slowly went down, but I like the chapter. It kind of opened into Brendon's mind and basically I'm Satan I apologise.

Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed this chapter,
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XO,
S