White Gate Heart

• Chapter Twenty Two•

For a moment, I was back in my soft, feathered bed. It was a normal morning. Any second, Father would storm in, questioning my breakfast absence. I would slump upwards in no haste and prepare for another day. My stomach growled at the thought of such delectable breakfast tastes.

Reality hit me in waves and I felt instant nausea. I didn't want to be back home, residing in the place of death and tragedy. My heart would only cry and ooze with a blackness. I was not of stable condition to accept mother's fate. So, for that moment, as I opened my eyes, mother was not dead. She was only in a deep sleep, and I had just snuck out last night. 

Jamie snorted behind me, sensing my awakening. Her breath tickled my head, blowing pieces of stray hair into my adjusting eyes. The sun's blinding rays penetrated the darkness of my eyelids, forcing them open even further. While I tried to forget all the events that happened yesterday, a heaviness still weighed like an anvil inside. 

My body shifted to my side. It only dirtied my dress even further, but at that point I was clueless and ignorant of my appearance. 

If I had slithered my way out of the house, then surely I would not be welcomed back home. Wouldn't it be better to simply disappear, my eyes to never settle upon that place again? It's temptation was strong and evident, unable to throw itself aside.

The real situation would eventually chase after me and drag me to my own sadness. It would be better to have accepted it then, but the surge in my stomach told me to run away from it all, to forget all of my pain, to face the day as a free woman, no title and no high rank. I wanted a simple life. Was that a lot to ask?

For the first time in my life, I wanted to drink my problems away. Gathering the reins of Jamie, I clucked her upwards, practically pushing her bottom to make haste. I wanted my mind to clear away the dusty, dark corners and trash out the webs of predicaments. 

With ease, I grabbed a fistful of her rough mane and gathered myself upward, grunting with difficulty. After a few minutes of struggling to mount onto her back, I finally wrapped my foot around her back, my other leg stuck to her side. I finally pulled myself upward. Jamie bobbed her head and snorted in slight pain.

"Sorry," I mumbled. 

"Didn't expect to find you here," a familiar voice interrupted. I jumped at the voice, Jamie did the same. Who'd found me?

Turning around, I found Mark astride his stallion, standing on the other side of the river bank. A smile tweaked the ends of his lips, but it was laced with sadness. A part of me wanted to scream, another to run away in embarrassment of myself.

  "I know," he spoke softly.  

I tried to hold onto it, those tears and the urge to unwrap it all. But like the opening of a gate, everything within me was let go. 

My lip trembled as Mark simply stared at me, his eyes brimming with sympathy and something like heartbreak. Tears pricked the back of my sore, red eyes.

I gave in, letting the tears cascade down my cheeks. Jamie nickered beneath me, shifting her feet. She turned her head towards my foot, her eyes locking against mine. All I could do was lay down on her neck and hide my face. Hot tears stained  her dry mane.

I didn't want to look at Mark, I would only cry harder. 

Gentle hands grabbed my shoulder gingerly, turning me around. He offered his hand and I pressed mine into it, dismounting. 

Before I could pull away, I was collapsing into Mark's arms, muffling my sobs against his coat. 

Mother's death was pulsing at my heart, tearing its tendons and strings apart slowly. All I felt was pain; pain and darkness. Without her, the earth was somehow. . . empty. Her smile could no longer light up my darkest of days. Her laughter would no longer ring in my head each night, her wisdom would no longer be given to me. She wouldn't be there for my wedding, she would not be there for my own children, she just would not be there. Mother was no more on such cruel earth.