Zetsu

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1. Tell him he should see a therapist about his split personality disorder 

2. Ask how he gets his shirt on over the flytrap on his head

3. Buy him plant food

4. When he asks what the hell that’s for, tell him he can’t get vitamins from eating people

5. Accuse him of stealing some of the bodies Sasori wanted to make into puppets

6. Show him ZetsuTobi

7. Ask if watching cross pollination is like porn to him

8. Put ZetsuKisa posters up around the lair

9. Tell everyone it was his idea

10. Ask if he can talk to plants

11. Call him a flower child

12. Set fire to his plants

13. Blame it on Hidan

14. Ask if he’s a clown

15. Hire him to entertain at birthday parties (warning: this will NOT go well)

16. Tell him he’s like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde

17. Convince Kakuzu it’d be cheaper to use him as a Christmas tree

18. Threaten him with gardening tools

19. Spray him with Weed Killer

20. Ask what species his parents were

21. Set him up on a blind date

22. With a tree

23. Ask if you can make a porn video with him and Deidara

24. Ask if he’s really a cannibal, since he’s only half human

25. Paint pink flowers on him when he’s asleep

26. Ask if he pollinates

27. Ask to see his “stamen” 

28. Tell him he’s fat and should lay off the heavy people

29. Ask why his ring is the pig

30. Buy a really girly diary

31. Write stuff in it like “OMG, Deidara is sooooo hot!” and “Kakuzu makes me horny.”

32. Claim that it’s his

33. Whenever he walks into a room, play “Maneater”

34. Ask if he can fertilize himself 

35. Stop to smell him in the hallway

36. Poke him constantly

37. Tell him he can’t have dessert until he finishes his veggies

38. Tell him to stop talking to himself

39. Even when he’s talking to you

40. Ask if he’s partnerless because they’re worried he’ll eat somebody

41. Offer him flies as a present

42. Ask if he likes his arms “rare” or “well done”

43. Show him all the fanfics about him and OCs

44. Chase him around with shears

45. Tell him that he’s wearing the worst Halloween costume ever

46. Ask if his green hair is actually a fungus

47. Tell him he uses way too much make up

48. Bring him to a meeting of the National Society of Vegetarians 

49. Ask where he got the gold contacts

50. Ask what the hell the flytrap on his head DOES anyway

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