Fallen Angel

One

"He said:
Don't you feel lonely living in your own little world?

She whispered:
Don't you feel powerless living in other people's worlds?"

-F.G.
~~~

She was a drifter. Floating in the world, trying to find her place, and never knowing where she fit in.

People didn't know. She became an expert at hiding the hole in her heart with plastic smiles that just managed to look real. People saw what they wanted and her emptiness continued to go unseen.

She seemed as happy as the next person hiding behind a mirage. She seemed confident. She knew what she wanted. She had direction. She was actress of the year.

It was the way she wanted it. It was better this way. Better than people asking questions she didn't know the answers to.

She didn't know why, despite her best efforts, she always managed to get hurt.

She stared at a picture from years ago. It was a picture of her but of an entirely different person, one she barely recognized and yearned to be again. She was radiant, full of a joy that could barely be contained. It was clear in her smile that made the corners of her lips rise up with ease.

The girl in the picture believed in the goodness of the world. She trusted everyone and believed with all her heart that everyone she cared for would feel the same way. She thought others would want to do whatever it took to make another person happy. She believed with every ounce of her being. She thought people cared.

But maybe she was special. Maybe others couldn't reciprocate the way she watched out for everyone. She liked to think that made her a hero, a secret guardian. But those were thoughts of another old self.

Now she found a safer place. She found a haven inside herself. She couldn't get hurt here. It was almost nice. But she longed for one thing.  She wished that it wasn't so lonely.