Then There Was You (#Wattys2016)

4

I took my mask off for him.

I was guarding myself for years, knowing what would happen if I took it off, showing everyone who I was on the inside. After reading stories, I felt as if I had enough incite on 'love' to know how it felt to have it ripped from you at any time. So I placed my mask on, and didn't remove it for years.

There is something about wearing a mask that changes you. You feel a certain sense of restriction, but feel free enough to play any character you wish. You can hide your true personality, acting as something you aren't.

Michael removed my mask, letting me be myself with him. Which led me to act more as myself with Jordyn and Owen as well.

But you get used to having the mask off. You become more yourself than the mask that covered you. But with that you become more vulnerable to being ripped apart. And that's exactly what happened to me.

When I found out about Michael, I felt as if my heart was torn in two. My mask was stepped on and crushed, shattering like glass. Now I don't know how to hide myself.

He made me feel good about myself. I never felt that way with anyone. He made me feel beautiful, free, like me. I felt infinite when we were together, mentally and physically.

I couldn't help but wonder if I even made him happy for our time together. Did he trust me as much as I trusted him? Did he feel how I felt with him? Did he let some form of guard down to be with me, as I did for him?

I came to the conclusion that he didn't. He didn't love me enough to actually be with me.

Thinking back to the past year, he has been acting extremely unlike him. He wouldn't hold me like he used to. He wouldn't text me 'I love you's" sometimes. He never said it in return on the phone. How did I not see this coming? How could I be so blind?

Should I just make a new mask, and place that one on? Should I just leave my vulnerability on show, letting everyone see how broken I am? I don't know what to do with myself anymore.

Wiping the tears from my cheeks with my sleeves, I place my hands on the log, taking a large breath, letting out a shaky one.

I went to stand up, but heard branches cracking and leaves being crushed a few feet behind me, causing me to stop all movement.

The sound of whoever was walking stopped and I could hear slight breathing coming from them behind me.

"I can feel you staring." My voice cracked . I heard the leaves crush again, assuming he was taking steps closer, only to be proven right when their voice was heard on my right side.

"I don't know who you are." I recognized that voice.

"Well, I would say the same if you weren't in my home room," I turned to the person, being proved right, "Sebastian, right?"

He nodded, taking a seat on the log next to me, taking in the beauty of the trees in front of us. "Yeah, um, Sebastian Reed."

I nodded my head, sniffling. "Yeah." I whispered as I turned my head to watch my legs swing forward and back, as they dangled off the edge.

"So where'd you move from?"

"What's your name?"

We spoke at the same time, both hoping to cut the tension between us.

I pull my legs up, sitting Indian style, before pulling my legs in tattered jeans up to my chest, "You want to go first?" I slightly giggled.

He didn't speak, he just watched me as I pulled my sweater tighter around my body. Feeling uncomfortable, I slightly fidget, "uh, this is the part where you say yes or no."

"Oh. Oh, yeah. Um, sure?" He seemed a bit flustered.

I nodded my head, looking at him awaiting his question. I think he asked me what my name was?

"And this is where you ask me my name." I laugh again, shaking my head.

"Oh, right! What's your name?"

"Nicole Hastings." He smiled at me, looking in my eyes. I smile back, but he could see the emotion in my eyes falter.

"Is something wrong?"

Should I tell him? He is a complete stranger. I just had to introduce myself to him because he didn't even know my name. Should I trust him?

"He cheated." My mouth blurted before my mind could catch up. I furrowed my eyebrows, confused as to why I would trust him.

"Is this the part where I tell you I'm sorry?" My eyes dart to his, anger growing within me.

His eyes showed surprise, as if he didn't know what he had just said. His mouth opened and shut, obviously trying to come up with some sort of response.

"I guess." I turned away, ready to leave and walk home.

"Oh." his voice was quieter than before, "I'm sorry."

"Whatever." I stood up from my spot and walked away without saying goodbye.

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I wanted to keep this chapter shorter so its only 864 words.

Photo of Sebastian Reed on the side