Phoenix Moon

I Understand (Part 1)

                  

The wolf in me was pissed about how I reacted to Andre's situation. I paced back and forth in my bedroom rubbing the sides of my head as I tried to get the voice to shut up. Needless to say, the wolf refused. You're and idiot! You shouldn't have walked out like that.

"Yeah well. There wasn't much I could have done."

You didn't have to leave though the voice quipped. I must have looked crazy talking to myself, but I didn't care. I was not about to lose an argument with myself.

"What else was I supposed to do?!" I was still pacing like a mad man across my bedroom floor. The arguing was causing a headache.

You could have at least said goodbye. He probably thinks you hate him now.

I had no reply to that. The wolf was right. I groaned and flopped onto my bed feeling deflated. My wolf must have known that she had won because she retreated back into my mind. I stared at my ceiling for what seemed like hours, staring at the ceiling. My head filled with useless thoughts of what if?

My pity party was cut short by a loud banging on the front door. I hopped to my feet and checked the time. I hadn't even been on my bed for five minutes. Company was the last thing I wanted at the moment.

The banging stopped momentarily, only to begin again almost immediately. I debated ignoring it and pretending I wasn't home, but decided that whoever was down there was persistent enough that it was probably important. I sighed and made my way down the stairs to open the door.

"Jackson?" I was surprised to find him on my doorstep again. I half expected him to hand me an envelope. We didn't have very much interaction and I had only known him for a little over 2 months, and every time I saw him he was delivering an envelope of some sort. He had been placed in charge of communications for graduation, so he was only around when the Alpha had a message for the graduating class.

"I'm sorry to bother you, but I've heard that you've had a pretty rough little while and I needed someone to talk to." It didn't cross my mind to wonder where he had heard about that. I was just trying to process why he would come to me of all people.

"Um... Yeah... Yeah. Sure. Okay. What can I help you with?" I questioned as I gestured him inside, and onto one of the couches. Lukah wouldn't be home for a while, so I didn't have to worry about being interrupted.

Jackson stared at the floor for a moment before finally answering "I met my mate" Oh no. I thought. Please don't let him be in the same situation as me. "And she's great. I love her. I just don't think she could ever love me"

"Of course she will. She's your mate."

"Well yeah. I know that. It's just..."

"It's just what?"

"Nothing. Never mind. I shouldn't have come here. I'll figure it out somehow." He stood to leave, but my curiosity had already been peaked. I couldn't just let him walk out like that.

"Wait. Jackson. If you're going through something even remotely close to what I have experienced over that past few months than I need to know. Even if all I can do is give you some lame pep talk, I still want to do something. I'll help you in any way that I can."

He stopped and seemed to think, and finally nodded. Sitting back down he said, "Ok. But you may not believe what I have to say." I laughed maniacally until Jackson gave me a look that said 'why is this lunatic laughing like a crazy person?'

"You'd be surprised. I've been through some pretty impossible things. Or at least they should be impossible."

He looked skeptical, but must have decided that his situation was dire enough to enter the home of a crazy girl because leaned into the couch, and poised to begin his story.

"So there's this girl that I really, really, like, but I'd never had the courage to actually talk to her. Until today. I've been 19 for almost a year now, but I haven't met my mate yet, so I figured she was either a rogue or a rebel, and assumed that I would never actually find her. It sucked at first, but I came to terms with it and moved on with my life. I kinda hoped that one day I would meet a moony and settle down. I'd even met a couple that I could see myself falling in love with, but something was holding me back."

I was confused as to why he had come to tell me this. His situation was rare, but he definitely wasn't the only one, he could easily go talk to someone that understood exactly what Jackson was experiencing, but he'd come to me instead. And hadn't he told me that he'd already met his mate. His entire story puzzled me. I voiced my opinions, and his voice became bitter and laced with pain.

"I wish it was that simple. If that were the case I wouldn't be here. You are the only one that could ever understand. What happened with you and Andre shouldn't have happened. And what happened to me shouldn't be possible either. I'd been so afraid to tlak to this girl I like. She's the little sister of one of my buddies, but earlier today I kinda just went for it. I introduced myself, and shook her hand. When I touched her I just..." Jackson trailed off, as if he couldn't find the right words. He looked happier now as he talked about this girl, but I still didn't understand the problem. It seemed to me like all was good and fine with this girl.

"She can't be my mate. It's simply not possible, and yet..." I gave him a confused look "I guess I should start by telling you who my mate is. Otherwise none of this will make any sense." His voice cracked. He sounded resentful, but I detected a lot of underlying pain and sadness.

"Who is she?" I asked quietly. He raised his head and looked at me with glistening tear filled eyes.

"She's the most amazing girl in the entire world." He said.