The End of Our Stars

Chapter 9

CHAPTER 9

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Gus looks so carefree with his head laid back and his legs crossed in front of him. The view of Amsterdam takes my breath away but the boy I love makes my heart stop beating—quite literally, too.

"Augustus,"

"Yes, Hazel Grace?" For the first time, our voices don't sound too far. This isn't a dream at all, I'd believe. But being in Amsterdam was a miracle the first time. And miracles in a person's lifetime alone usually don't happen twice.

"Do you want me to be with you?"

He gives me a smile, an unsure sad one that makes me look at my Chucks. "You're already with me. Okay?"

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Open your eyes/

I'm begging you please/

Don't leave us like this/ 'cause I don't know I'll be—

All right with this/ or if I could survive/

The first time you're not here by my side/

We've lost too much/ we've lost our hearts/

Open/ open your eyes.

Tell me/ tell me you're fine.

If we lost you/ could you say/

Could you tell that we'll be okay?

So open your eyes. Open your eyes.

"Okay." My eyes were open and I found Isaac sleeping on the chair by the bed, a guitar by his feet. Mom and Dad were not in the room and I bet the last five bucks in my piggy bank that they're speaking with Doctor Maria.

The lights of the room were blinding and the white walls didn't help. I squinted at the brightness and found him standing by the corner.

"Hazel Grace," Augustus calls out. "Hazel Grace." He says again. I'm not in the ICU surprisingly this time, I realized.

"Augustus." I whispered and beckoned him to come forward. This is the first time I've seen him somewhere else than a dream. He sits by Isaac and gives me that smile that was too big for his face.

"Isaac can see again." He tells me as if I needed to know.

Still, I replied with a shrug. "And I cannot fathom why,"

His smile fades and looks down at his sleeping best friend. "I do." Then he looks at me with a small smile and sad eyes, claiming answers that I seem to have missed. "It's you."

He's becoming more vivid and I was becoming more—dead. I wanted to ask him what he meant but he quickly faded when Isaac woke up.

"Hazel," Isaac was standing up, preparing to rush out and call my parents, when I held him up. "How're you feeling?" He asks and sits down slowly. "We were so worried. I thought we'd—"

"I'm fine." I said, sounding worse than I expected. "I, uh, guess I should've been more careful with Phillip."

"I wish we didn't go out last night. Your oxygen—" he looked so stricken when he said this and my heart just ached for him. "And the alcohol—"

"It's not your fault, Isaac. Okay?"

"Okay." He sobbed and in that moment, I was hugging him tightly despite the weakness I was feeling. "God, don't scare me like that ever again, Hazel."

I know I'll try but it was a promise I know I couldn't keep. I don't want to be one of those people who don't understand the promises they're making when they make them. But then I remember what Isaac said to me all those months ago.