Winds of change.

Love & regret.

I mentioned that my heart has been broken for a guy just one time. This is the love story that gives life to my love stories, that help me to bring passion to all the characters I read. Roger, oh how long story, let's start from the beginning.

In my life I have had some affair loves, never serious.

 - The first guy I liked: He was in my class, he was blonde and blue eyed and every girl in my class liked him, I never talked to him, I didn't even say hello.

- Second one: He was in my class too, his name was Ant. He was pretty stupid but somehow I didn't saw that. Long time after Bridget told me she was his girlfriend ones, and that he acted like a child and she hated him. He was tall and have brown skin, he laughed a lot.

- Third one: His name was Ramphy, in my class too. He wasn't from my country and was really sweet. I talked to him a couple times, but never get to anything. I one time I thought he liked me, dumb girl. He had brown skin too, but his face looked sweet and innocent.

- Fourth one: Even if this can may look mean, Jason, Heidy's fist and actual boyfriend. I liked him before they were together, and I'm glad he didn't see me, he's a complete jerk. He is small and white, black hair and bakers.

- Fifth one: Christiano. A long story, I meet him when I went to my cousin Katie's house for a week. She live in a city that is twenty minutes away from mine. We liked to go to this park called ''Rolled Rainbow'', the rolled was becose of the skaters and bikers that go there, the rainbow, well, I think for making it look pretty. Christiano was one of the skaters, Katy and I was in the park hanging out and then the skaters came in. I don't know what the fuck they eat, but every one of them was hot, really hot. Like one direction, Justin Bieber and five seconds of summer in one group. Christiano was small, with blonde long hair and green eyes, he was really thin. Katy and me were looking at him like if he was Kellin Kinn. In this point I have to make clear that Katy is thin, have dirty blonde hair and yellow/green eyes, so comparing to me, she was like a victoria's secret angel. A guy that was skating came to us to talk with her, he says this exactly:

- Hey, I'm Marco. I see you are looking at my little friend, he's Christiano.

I get confused becose I was seeing anyone, just Marco in front of me, I looked to the left and found his big green ayes looking at me, I paralyzed, and just came on a shy ''Hi'', I was feeling so stupid in that moment.

Then he left, Katy and I looked for him in facebook and, thanks God, we found him. We both send him friend requests, and he accepted both. We talked everyday for half a year, he used to say that he cared about me, all the time. I taked that as an free way for telling him I liked him, I told him and he reject me, ja ja, silly me, I really thought he felt the same.

- Sixth one: Here we are, my first real crush. I met Roger in the same trip I met Christiano. I was 13 years old in that time. He was Katy's friend, he was in love with her, told her and failed. So that day he was really depressed, I tried to chill him up but he was ignorant and, basically, a total bitch. I started to hate him. When I get home he send me a friend request in facebook, we started talking for like two month, then one day I was bored and wanted to play questions and answers with him. In some point he left and when he came back I said:

- I think you owe me a question.

- Oh, yeah, the game. I'll ask you something, it's not serious.

- Ok, go ahead.

- Do you want to be my girlfriend?

I see the bromance opportunity, I had ever have a bromance and that would be really fun.

- Yeah.

- Really?

- Yep.

- Okay, this one is serious. Do you want to be my girlfriend?

I asked every person I know if I should accepted, Katy said I should, so I did. This was my first proposal ever, and for a insecure girl like me, that boosted my confidence to the moon. I told him I was fatty and that I lived far away, he was fine with it.

Well, our thing was talking to each other every day, he always telled me he liked me, I actually didn't felt the same, so I just put a smiley face or something. I remember one day he told me he wanted to do other things with me, I get scared, really scared, my plan is to stay clean till I get married. Days passed, and Katy invited me to an activity with the scouts. I beg my mom and, after a week, she let me go. Roger always told me that he wanted to be my first kiss, that's why I was freaking out when I saw him. He hugged me and say hello. We actually didn't passed a lot of time together, I was with the girls and he was with the boys. Then I was almost going, he said he wanted a hug of goodbye. I hugged him, for too long. Before five minutes of hugging he go to my ear and whisper:

- Are you ready for your first kiss?

I freaked out, I didn't knew what to do, so I just put my head up and looked at his eyes, his brown big eyes. He smiled, I think becose I was blushed. He get closer and kissed me, it was really short and dumb, I had my head upright and he had his head to one side, he has his mouth open and mine was closed, was weird and disgusting, but romantic. Anyway, I don't remember how the kiss felt, just the romantic moment.

After that we talked in FB, not anything special. He disappeared for a week, till one day, I was with Charlotte in the internet, giving an advice. He talked to me like nothing, and then break up with me. I was so heart broken, like if my world was going over me. I wanted to cry, but I was with company, I never cry in front of people. Charlotte hugged me and asked me if I was okey, I fake my best smile and change the subject. In night I cried, not becose of the dumb kiss, becose I losted my confidence. ''I was too ugly and fat'' I said to myself, ''He was expecting something better, nobody will ever love me'' My confidence was worst than ever, I was falling for him, and now I was alone, completely alone. I felt my heart bleeding while I was crying. ''Who is going to love me now?'' 

A month after he talked to me again, he wanted to be my friend. Like i'm a pure white soul I accepted, then things started to get weird, he talked to me like if he never break up with me, he even told me that he named his cat by my favorite song (fucking creepy!). One night he get really dramatic and in the middle of it he said he loved me. For me, unless, that is a strong deep word. I told him I didn't love him and then blocked him.

It may look mean and cruel, but I actually was scared. I'm not sure if I was scared of him or my feelings, I was starting to feel something deep about him. Even, when he told me that he loved me my heart was in flames, I kept that flame for days. My heart burning, butterflies in my stomach when I thinked about that kiss. It was frustrating, I have never believe in love, so, How can you not believe something you are living?

A year later I talked to him, for saying sorry. In all that time he never leave my mind, I was with a guy, never serious. We liked each other but never give the first step. We begin a long dramatic conversation about tears, pain and missing. The fire in my heart wasn't there anymore, butterflies in my stomach died. So when he asked me to be together again I said no. A part of me wanted to say a big yes, but in that moment I realize that the only thing he have done for me is hurting me, making it all worse. I read ones that love is destruction, maybe he was destroying me, or maybe I was destroying myself by loving him, I don't know, but what I do know is that it wasn't meant to be. What is meant for us always comes, and he didn't make it. We get paused for a long while, I found him in a placec in his city, we talked and make things clear. He was with a girl, he loved her, I could notice it by the change in his eyes when he talked about her. With that, our love thing was over, starting the longest and deepest friendship I've ever had. Destiny can make some hilarious pranks, I thought he was meant for me, and in fact he was, he is.