Winds of change.

I like them both.

With the help of Bruno, Dona and, later, Roger I was two full month without even a small thought tight to depression. Two Beautiful months, I was falling for Bruno, but he wasn't mush. I was myself again, and then, before two month without hearing his tone on my phone, he texted me.

Everything was okay, fine, peaceful, normal. And when Roger came back to my life the feeling I have for him came back, like it always do. I was trying to avoid it with Bruno, trying to give that feelings to him and not to Roger. Didn't work. I realized how far went my feelings when everything was fine and then, when I saw a video of Alice and Roger toguether as a couple, I cryed.

What the hell?

I was Feeling so stupid, I couldn't stop my tears in the darkness of my room. I don't want to be with Roger, it's just that I don't want him to be with anybody either. It is painful to me, for some strange reason. Well, that day, when I cryed over Roger for the first time in two years, depression came back.

It wasn't with me all the time how it used to be, so I was getting better. I didn't wanted to talk with my friends or family about it, I was ashamed of feeling like that. I don't want to be than kind of person, that is always sad and down, that can't talk with strangers, that thinks no one will ever love becose of her weight.

I read on a book once that the opposite of beauty isn't uglyness, it's shame. If you have an defect and you aren't ashamed of it you'll be able to do everything , Becose you aren't stopping yourself, that defect means nothing to you, so you aren't thinking how is people going to react to it, Becose you simply don't care!

I want to be like that, not be ashamed.

So I made a plan for fixing myself. First, depression will have to leave. Second, I need to have an relationship with God, that by the way will help with depression. Third, I need to fix my actitudde with things, be less dramatic band more realistic. Fourth, and the last, I need to loose weight.

That is the harder thing in the world for me, I have been this way all my life, and making the decision of Loseing weight means change my life radically. I started on a gym, that boosted up my confidence, Becose I was finally doing something for myself. And Roger was helping me with my depression and I was helping him with his. I started to realize that the Feeling about Roger is never going to go away, a small part of me will always love him.

Bruno was still on my life and I was still feeling something for him, but I didn't knew his feelings. I gave all the clues that screamed that I like him, and I think he gave me sone clues too, but confusing. We are both so shy and new on this that I don't know how long is it going to take one of both to talk about our feelings.