I Want To Do Real Bad Things With You (Boy x Boy)

(14) I Want To Do Real Bad Things With You

I Want To Do Real Bad Things With You

Chapter 14

Jace’s POV

Telling Drake to leave me alone was by no doubt the hardest things I have ever done. I could feel my heart tearing apart as I spoke the words and I knew that there was no way I could go on without him.  Maybe before we got together but not now that I have tasted his love. The mere thought of living without him sent me over the edge. I couldn’t do it and I had no reason to even try.

I had nothing without him and living just seemed pointless.

I looked at my phone in my hand and let it fall to the floor, not caring if it breaks. I won’t be needing it again anyway.  I had some money left from my last pay check so I grabbed my wallet and left, not even bothering to lock the door behind me.

I didn’t take the car, it reminded me to much of Drake and I didn’t want to be reminded of how much I love him and how much he hurt me. I wanted to forget, I needed to forget.

I walked the streets, not knowing or caring where I was going but finding what I was looking for anyway. A bottle store. I’ve never been one for drinking but once again it didn’t matter, I wanted to forget and it seemed like a good option so I went inside and bought two bottles of vodka. It was all I could afford but I was sure that it would do.

With the brown paper bag in my hand I headed back home, fighting the urge to cry and yell and scream all the way. Once I was back home I locked the door, not wanting any interruptions but doubting that it was necessary. Nobody cared enough, I could probably go missing for a year and the neighbours would only call the cops if the house started reeking from my dead body. It didn’t matter though, nothing did.

I headed upstairs to my room and fell down on my bed, stepping on and cracking my cell phone as I did but that too didn’t matter. I placed the one bottle of vodka on my bedside table and opened the other, taking a huge sip. It tasted like shit so I took another and another, figuring that I would get used to the taste and if I didn’t I would get so drunk that I wouldn’t care. I worked. After a few more minutes and half of the bottle I didn’t even taste it anymore.

I didn’t stop there though, I was still able to remember Drake so I continued drinking until the bottle was empty. I knew it was too much but I didn’t care. In fact, I had drank the alcohol so fast that the full effect didn’t kick in until I got up, wanting to switch my stereo on. My head span and my knees went weak, causing me to trip over my own feet and fall, hard onto the floor. A sharp pain stabbed through my arm as I tried to catch myself but failed miserably. I didn’t bother getting up, I just rolled onto my back and allowed my mind to be consumed by the welcome darkness that overtook me.

I woke with a thudding headache, feeling light headed, nauseous and sore. My room was almost pitch black, the only light coming in through the open window. The silence was deafening and although I was feeling horrible I couldn’t take it so I pushed myself to my feet, and struggled to keep my balance as I made my way to my stereo and switched it on. I turned the volume to its highest and let the sound of the pulsating music soak away the silence. It didn’t help much for my headache or the soaring pain that radiated from my wrist and up my arm.

The memories of Drake and what he had done had returned instantly as well and they were hurting more than any physical pain could. The alcohol was only a temporary reprieve and I needed a permanent one. I needed to get rid of the tormenting pain that surrounded my heart and threatening to pull it apart and scatter it into a million little pieces.

I took a deep breathe letting what I was about to do sink in and then sauntered over to my bed, grabbed to unopened bottle of vodka and made my way to the bathroom. Once inside I opened the bottle, took a sip and then took a shaving blade out of the medicine cabinet. I looked at the shiny sharp metal and then sat down against the wall, making sure to hold on to the bottle of vodka.

This is it, no more pain, no more heartache, no more me.

I took another big sip and then pressed the blade against my wrist, watching as a little pool of blood formed against the sharp edge. It hurt but nothing compared to what I was trying to get rid of so I pushed down harder and then pulled it across my wrist. The blood poured from the wound covering my hand and flowing onto the white tiles. It hurt like hell but I found myself enjoying how distracting it was. I sat like that, watching the blood flow from my body for a few seconds and then placed the blade in my other hand. I battled to get a proper grip on it as I was losing feeling in my fingers but managed to grip in hard enough to pull my other arm across the blade.

I let it fall to the floor and rested my head against the wall, sure that when the darkness overtook me this time it would be final.