I can't breathe.
It starts in my mind.
Thoughts racing. Chasing each other like the wind.
Then an unbearable pain blossoms in my stomach.
Gnawing at my insides like it's nothing.
As fast as lightning I can't breathe. I can't breathe. I can't...
Mouth dry, throat closing, knees shaking, tears pouring.
Finally my legs give out and I sink to the floor.
I can't breathe. I can't breathe. I can't breathe.
Around me people are whispering while I only feel more of the pain.
Scratching and stabbing and slicing at my heart.
My head feels like it's going to explode.
People start talking. They say:
Just breathe.
Sit down.
You're okay.
Are you dying?
What's wrong with you?
You're overreacting.
You just want attention.
I can't breathe. I can't breathe. I can't breathe.
I scream, I shout, I cry, I'm angry at the world.
At everyone around me.
At myself.
I feel like I'm falling.
Limbs flailing.
Heart racing.
Screams erupting.
Then I crash and burn.
Like a shooting star.
Wished on by the ultimate sinner.
I can't see you. I can't hear you.
I can't breathe. I can't breathe. I can't breathe.
I'm drowning.
Alone.
The water fills my lungs and blocks out everything good.
Everything peaceful.
Everything of salvation.
I'm scared.
I want to give up.
I want it to all be over.
I can't breathe. I can't breathe. I can't breathe.
I reach out for help.
Nothing is there.
Nothing to numb this pain I can't control.
Nothing to save me.
I can't breathe.
I'm scared.
I can't breathe.
What do I do?
I. Just. Can't. Breathe.
I have anxiety.
It makes it hard to breathe.
So I fake it.
I fake being happy.
My mother found out.
She demands.
I refuse.
She begs.
I refuse.
She cries.
I promise.
I never keep my promises.
Because maybe I like being sad...
