Poetry of the Undone

If Time Was Not Itself

my breath is heaving as it jumps forward into the shallow of my chest

My feet pounding to the beat of my heart as they push against the ground vigorously

I have to reach  you - before you fade out of my world,  into someone else's 

I cannot lose you, I think to myself as the passion rises to choke me at the brim of my throat,

and tears prick my eyes abrasively with their poking fingers

It is then that the image of all that we were flashes into my memory, so distant and yet so palpable. your warm skin upon mine, the wisp of your breath passing my ear as you tell me what you feel for me ... those words...

And then, the scratch of your stubble upon my cheek as you pulled away from me, your eyes growing dim; so quick to walk away, so easy it was for you. 

Do not leave my side, dearest beloved! If only I had said these words to you at a time when they could have made a difference.  My heart ached to speak those words, but my lips would not allow them to escape from their tight grasp.

And now I have decided; I must set them free upon you, like a waterfall bursting forth from a wall built to block it, like an eagle stretching his wings and arching into his flight so freely, so surely. So must be the words I utter unto you.

My heart would be expected to slow as my feet do, but instead it's action rises, for I am now approaching the door that happens to be the only present thing separating me from your physical presence.

My eyes glance fleetingly downwards at the hand that possesses the knuckles I need to knock on your door. Oh, I know you could not take me back, but I cannot withhold the words I so wish to share with you. But I must knock, if I am to tell you my words ...

I bite my lip tentatively and reach my hand towards the door, curling in my fingers in preparation for the announcement of my presence. 
It is at this moment that I see you through the window.

Now my heart slows to a halt, and time itself seems to silence and still - my lips break free from their cage and my voice climbs up my throat desperately trying to reach the surface, only to break free with the soft whispers of simple words : Your soul belongs with mine. 

But you cannot hear the words I utter through the glass of this window. And now as I see you stand there, I see clearer than I had before; even though the rush of desire I feel when thinking of you is more rampant that the tides of the ocean, 
And even though my craving after your love and happiness is hungrier than that of a beast

I turn away from you, now. For what I saw in you through that window was the contentment of a man who had stepped into a path he so wished to be in, a path without me. 

I will forget you now, my dearest. I will forget the moments that we shared and the love we fostered. 

But how can I ever pull my soul away from yours completely, when it feels as if your breath is mine and mine is yours? 

I feel as if I cannot. Surely, we shall continue to live contently, loving again and holding another. Never paying attention to the piece of our souls that silently hold on to each other.