Edward, I hate you! Jacob, Get A Darn Haircut!

Team Edward Or Jacob?

This story is really really lame and basically makes no sense at all. It's only meant to lighten the mood so enjoy :)

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‘Let go’ Edward growled, pulling Bella’s fragile arms with one of his own. On his other hand he held a sandwich, ham and cheese I presume.

‘Try me.’ Jacob retorted, with an animalistic twinkle in his eyes. Well no surprise there, seeing that he is a werewolf.

‘LEAVE HER YOU PIECE OF DOG SHIT!’ Edward bellowed and added with a thoughtful look on his face ‘pardon the pun.’

‘Well at least I am not constipated from not visiting the bathroom for one hundred years sucker!’

‘You will pay for that!’ Edward said, loosening his grip on Bella and trying to charge at him. 'And for your information, we vampires are perfectly capable of...releasing bile!!'

Bella, who was torn between the two, was outrageous. Here they were talking about excretory matters while her life was at stake. She could feel her hands ripping off her shoulders like the wallpaper from in her room.

‘WILL YOU CUT IT OUT?’ she said, pulling her hands out of their grip and clutching her hair with it. ‘Tell me when you both are done with your important matters and I will get back.’ She turned away and sat heavily on a chair, which, under her weight (and that of the half vampire baby), broke. One moment later, she was sprawling on the floor. ‘Ow!’ she groaned, but the two didn’t seem to notice her for they were busy throwing various articles at each other.

Jacob had a piece of cheese; I judged that it was mozzarella from its pale colour, wedged behind his ear.

‘Edward!! This baby is like carrying a fucking elephant where ever I go! But no, you just HAD to seduce me didn't you!’ Bella groaned, trying to heave herself and her bloated belly upbut he paid no attention for he himself was busy trying to stand up. He had just spilt orange juice all over the floor with an accidental hit of his hand and now was somewhat swimming in it.

‘God, I hate my super natural power sometimes!' Edward groaned.

‘EDWAARRRDDD!’ she bellowed again.

‘For the love of Stephanie Meyer, Bella, will you shut your mouth?’

‘You shut it mister! I’m resigning off of Team Edward. You can go shove it!’ she threatened when she finally managed to get up and stomped off, her white top dripping with gravy and a few french fries hanging limply off her hair.

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Sorry bout the abrupt ending, I really need to go offline. I will post the rest and a new chapter tomorrow :) 

Please vote if you liked it!! :)