The Dove Keeper

Chapter Sixteen - Comfortable and Confident

[Part One]

When I awoke the next morning, I had no clue where I was. I somehow knew that the artist was supposed to be with me though; it just took a long time for everything to come back. I was still half-asleep when I turned over in his large bed, expecting to find his body right next to me, just like it had been the night before when we had fallen asleep. Instead, I was greeted with a mere imprint of him, etched away in the scattered sheets. I reached over and placed my hand in the concave area of the bed, and no longer felt his warmth. He was gone, and I still had no idea what was going on.

I couldn't ignore the pounding inside my small chest up against my ribcage, and the nervous anxiety that crawled into my system soon after. Sleep fell from my eyes rather quickly, the surroundings shocking me awake. I sat up and scratched my head, still feeling sweat from the night before. Memories replaced my sleep-filled gaze, and the final piece was put into place as I glanced down at my naked body, only covered by a small thin blue sheet.

I had had sex with Gerard. We had finally done what we were not supposed to do, the action we had been stepping around for months, and now, it had finally happened. We had kissed and touched and fucked on his bed. He had seen me naked, and I had seen him in that way too. We even fell asleep in the same bed after, not trying to run from the act we committed, but lying in its aftermath. We kissed for what had seemed like hours, barely exchanging a single word. We didn't have to talk then; there was no need to talk, and we had done too much of it by that point. We had just focused on kissing until we had run out of saliva and stamina, holding our sweaty bodies against one another in the middle of the bed. There was such urgency in each action we committed, such desperation for understanding that we would never get from anyone else on the outside world.

In the darkness of the room, I barely saw anything. But I did remember seeing Gerard's eyes. Somehow, they still shone as green even in the absence of light. I remembered looking at them, if only for a few seconds, and realizing that I never wanted to see the outside world again. If they were going to judge us for doing this, for acting like this, then I didn't care. I wanted to be here, I wanted to be with him. I wanted to see his eyes in the dark all the time now.

Last night, I had only left his side for a few small seconds to call my parents and tell them I was staying with Sam and Travis for the night. I needed to tell them something, anything, to keep them from coming to look for me. I needed to avoid getting in trouble, too. If I was grounded now, all of my few privileges taken away, I knew I would probably die. You couldn't give someone a taste of something so much better than what they had always known and always dreamed of, and then take it away in the next moment. I needed to stay here, at least for the night.

I had no idea what time it was when my mother answered, but her voice was tired. It was probably well past my curfew and she had been worried. She was reluctant to say yes to me at first, but eventually gave it. Whether it was hearing the happiness in my voice that did it, or just wanting to avoid the hassle of saying no and then having to come and get me from Sam's (because that's where I was, of course), I didn't know or care. I just hung up the phone and got back in bed with Gerard. He placed his arm around me, pulling me close, and kissed my face again, before sleep finally took over.

That had been the last clear memory I had of last night. I vaguely recalled all other details, such as turning over in the night, only because when I did, I became aware of Gerard's light snoring. I engaged in a minor freak-out then like the morning after, not knowing where I was at first, but it had lasted mere moments when I took in the view him laying next to me. It had been dark, but I could see the calm expression on his face, his lips moving slightly as he breathed. A smile had spread itself across my tired face as I watched, knowing that I had kissed those lips. I slid my arm around his waist, nestled my head into his pillow, and slumber hit once again. And for the rest of the night after, I was dead asleep. It was the best night's rest I had ever had.