( 16 September 2012 ).
***Harry***
Laying on my bed , Waiting like everyday . Louis hasn't talked to me for a month ! since 16 august ! . He's been ignoring me again , Whenever I'm with the boys , he doesn't even look at me but laugh and talk to the boys . What's his proplem with me? I mean I didn't do anything wrong ? Maybe he doesn't wanna see me because I'm ugly ? disgusting? .. I have to move on but I just can't . I was too lazy to get out of bed , but I moved my lazy ass and went to the kitchen to have some food . I got an apple and while I was cutting the apple , I stared at the knife . How funny a piece of metal can end someone's life! I cut the apple and sat in the living room . Boring . I took my mobile phone and kept scrolling and seeing some tweets . And then here was the shock .. I-I found Louis' tweet! H-he was saying that larry is a bullshit? wtf? When I read this tweet, I felt pain in my chest , in my heart . I felt like someone's taking my soul from my body .I felt that I can't see anything . It just hurts! I couldn't imagine he would do something like this to me . I stared at his tweet for seconds . I wanted to see the comments of fans on this tweet , Some were saying that modest forces me and louis not to come out and we're in a secret relationship . I smiled madly when I saw these comments , If they really knew what happened . What's life? Life to me has no meaning without him . We all die at the end so It just doesn't matter . I can't leave without him . I completed checking the comments and there were some comments saying '' But you're gay tho and you'll go to hell " or " fucking annoying gays, " .. It hurts me okay ! Maybe I can act like it doesn't but it does and their words cut me deeper than a knife and leave scars on my heart .. Wait? Scars?knife? .. That's it .. I decided to kill myself! I mean ! Haters would be happy and Louis would be happy ofc! He hates me now and I bet he doesn't even wanna hear my name though It isn't my fault OK
I decided to write a message for Louis then end up my life . It's time to go . I wasn't scared though usually Iam scared of death but now , I just deal with shit . I loved him truly . I was always in his heart , what happened now? why did he change? . I'm sorry to say that but I wish he didn't meet Eleanor . I opened whatsapp and begun typing a message to Louis .. I kept deleting and then writing again because I was scared . I didn't know what to say . I sent this message to him:
Dear Louis,
It's funny that after all we've been through I'm the one to blame when I'm left now with broken pieces . If loving you was wrong , I don't want to be right . I miss you . I miss the way you would hold my hand tight . I miss your hugs that reassured me that everything is going to be alright. I still remember your last words . Everything was so good before you met her . I wonder if you miss me too. I know I'm making a big mistake by sending a message to you but I have no choice . I can't move on Louis , I'm so hurt . But this pain will end so soon, you don't even have to reply to this message . The memories of our *friendship* will never fade. And you're right maybe larry was nothing to you and that larry is bullshit . But to me you are my sunshine . Maybe I'm not good enough or worth your love. Please just don't forget me . I'll be gone tonight . I loved you first .
The heart want what the heart cannot, shouldn't and won't have.
Harry
I pressed the send button then I moved to the kitchen slowly and grabbed the knife . Is this the end of everything? Well , Nobody loves me and I deserve this . I stared at the knife for minutes , I don't know why but whenever I see the knife I feel like something is hurting me in my chest like I'm panicking ! I never thought I'd be one of this people who commit suicide and stuff . I always wondered why would somebody just kill themselves ! but now I understood . As soon as I decided to cut myself , I heard a loud noise , It was the door breaking! It was Niall . Niall stood infront of me and look at me , he was really scared " Harry please no! let me explain!"
I rolled my eyes and told him , My eyes were full of tears " Explain what huh! Explain what! Didn't you see the tweet ! Everyone hates me! Even the love of my life !-"
Niall said quickly " No listen , he was forced to do this! "
I frowned " forced? what are you talking about! u obviously read the comments of the fans and believed that haha I mean I wish-"
Niall said " Listen , I was with Louis' today at his home , and I told him I was going to the bathroom , When I went to the bathroom I heard his phone ringing , and guess what! It was Simon ! I understood that Louis made a deal with the modest to hide his love to you .. I swear I heard this and he was forced to tweet that Larry is a bullshit ! he kept telling simon that he's done with this shit and that he loves you .. "
I was really surprised ! I put the knife away and hugged Niall so tight . I mean I can't believe that Louis loves me ! but what should I do now? I'm going to take Niall's opinion " Niall but what am I going to do now? I mean I also sent him a message that I'd kill myself! What should I do?" I was worried
