Out Of The Shadows (Lesbian fiction) (Edited version published on amazon)

Part 5

Amelia

The elevator stopped on the second floor, I got off after giving Lauren a hug before she headed to the fourth floor. My mind was reeling after hearing the story about Jackie. I could somewhat relate to what she'd been through, there were  countless times I thought about ending my own life out of shame but I never had the courage to do it. I could feel tears forming, I rushed to the restroom barely making it into the stall before they began to fall.

All I could think of was how ashamed I was as that night playing over and over in my mind, it must have been my fault, maybe I was giving him the wrong signals, maybe I misread him. I would never have guess behind those gentle hazel eyes and the kind words he always spoke was a darkness I'd would never imagine.

The tears streamed steadily down my face as I struggled to get the memories out of my head. What would people say if they knew, his word repeated over and over, saying he knew I enjoyed it, just from the reaction of my body, I didn't understand why. No matter how many cried for him to stop he wouldn't, I had no control over it even as my mind screamed for it not to.

My thoughts drifted to Lacey, why would she want to be with someone disgusting and dirty like me. I decided that despite the feeling I have always had for Lacey maybe I needed to distance myself from her before she found out. Wiping the wetness from my face, I pulled out my phone and text Laura informing her I had too much work to catch up on and would not be available to make it to lunch later.

The door to the restroom opened bring me out of my thoughts, I tried to pull myself together knowing I needed to get to work. I waited until whoever came in, left and made my way to the sink to wash my face and fix my makeup before heading to my desk.

I was actually glad for once that I did have a stack of folders waiting on my desk when I arrived, quickly burying myself in my work I lost track of everything around me as the thoughts of this morning slowly faded to the back of my mind.

Several hours later there was a tap on my desk. "Seriously Amelia you're using work as an excuse to miss lunch?" I looked to Lauren glaring at me with her hands on her hip before I could respond I caught sight of the beautiful blue eyed woman standing behind her.

My eyes locked onto hers as a lump formed in my throat, causing me to quickly look down at my desk in an attempt to speak, "I-I'm sorry, I've just got so much work to do today." I exhaled weakly. "Another time, maybe, I really need to get this done." I lied glancing back at Lauren, who sighed and gave me an understanding look that said she knew there was more to this. But I knew her long enough to recognize she wouldn't push it further.

I looked back to Lacey only to see her back as she retreated to wait for her sister. "I'll bring you something back," Lauren said as headed to the elevator. My eyes moved to the tall, stunning dark haired woman who waited for her sister while leaned against the elevator door to keep it open, an array of emotions displayed across her face as her eyes met mine once again before they vanished just as fast, leaving her unreadable as the two women disappeared behind the closing door.

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It's easy to miss the changing of the leaves when your mind is lost. The signs of an early approaching winter could be felt as a sudden chill hit me as Lauren and I made our way from the house to her SUV, I was not looking forward to the holidays that would be here soon and the growing distance I've placed between Lacey and myself made the situation all the more depressing, I'm constantly haunted by those blue eyes in my sleep, her awkward shyness when she used to be around me which she hid under the hard exterior she shows the rest of the world.

It's been almost three weeks since I've seen or spoke to Lacey and as much as this was my decision it was killing me, I missed her. I snuck a peak into the side pocket of my purse to the all too familiar picture of a younger Lacey that I had taken from the living room, I don't know how much more I could keep up like this. Maybe it's time I started looking for a place of my own, it wouldn't be as safe as being here, but my heart was aching and there was only one reason why.

I've spent these past weeks hidden in my room when I was there, leaving for work early with Lauren and caught a cab home late in the evening just to avoid contact as if she knew what I was doing she stayed away as well. I rested my head on the cool glass of the SUV and stared out the window my vision blurring as I felt the tears sting at the back of my eyes. "What's going on with you Li?" Lauren gently spoke breaking the silence.

"You haven't called me that in forever," I answered not turning towards her in an attempt to bring my feeling under control.

I heard her sigh, "I know something had been bothering you and I'm just concerned, please talk to me." she pleaded.

'I'm fine," finally turning to look at her, "really."

She glanced at me for a moment before returning her attention back on the road. "I love you Li, you're my best friend and if you ever need to talk I'm here," she reached over and squeeze my hand.

"Thanks, Ren". I squeezed back, giving her a grateful smile as we pulled up to the office.

"Oh, I forgot to tell you, I'm spending Thanksgiving with my parents and I want you to come." Before I could open my mouth to reject, she cut me off "Look, I'm already going to have enough trouble convincing Lacey to go, s-she hasn't been back there since she left. Just, just please Le, please say you'll come." She pouted. I sighed and nodded it's the least I could do for her after everything she's done for me.

"Sure, I come." She smiled and leaned over to hug me as we got out and headed into work.

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A/N: Unfortunately, Sexual assaults are grossly underreported to law enforcement. If you or someone you know is a victim of a sexual assault do not be afraid to seek help. You are not alone and there is always HOPE. Remember even though here is still a very strong tendency in our society for people to blame, disbelieve, or ostracize rape victims, YOU ARE NEVER TO BLAME!

National Sexual Assault Hotline 24 hours a day. 1-800-656-HOPE (1-800-656-4673)

@5havidreader – Thanks for the encouragement.

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