Its a strange world

Chapter 1

My eyes squeezed tightly shut in pleasure as her tongue expertly flicked at my clit and three of her skinny fingers thrusted in and out of me. My hands grasped at the sheets beneath me as her fingers reached a new speed and she began to hum into me, sending vibrations through my body. I let out a yell as the orgasim shook my body before flopping onto the bed, catching my breath.

“Thanks, that was great. I’ll…um…see you around” I said to the girl – whose name I’d already forgotten - before letting myself quickly out of the door. I don’t feel guilty anymore when saying those words, I guess I’m just used to it now and yeah I know that makes me sound like a slut but I didn’t know what else to do.

For so long now I haven’t been fully satisfied by sex, I mean don’t get me wrong, it was always great and I enjoyed it but I wanted something more than great. I wanted amazing, breath-taking, something that would mirror the pleasure other people seem to get out of it but I haven’t found that yet and I don’t want to be in a relationship until I do. Hence the embarrassingly large number of one night stands.

I unlocked the door of my flat to be greeted by four very familiar faces. One was my roommate Joel and the second his boyfriend Kieran, the other two were those of my best friends – Tanya and Jess – who are married and have been for the past three sickeningly happy years. Tanya and Jess were sprawled across the sofa while Joel and Kieran were sitting on the floor, sharing some private words wrapped in each other’s arms. I gave a small smile and a quiet ‘hey’ before plonking myself down in between Tan and Jess.  I just wanted what these four, and what felt like the rest of the world had, intimacy, closeness and the desire to be with someone, just to be with them and not only for sex.

“You’re back late” Tanya remarked even though by now they all knew fine well what I’d been doing.

“Hmm” I replied, sinking back into the sofa and closing my eyes.

“You know you’re not going to find what you’re looking for with one night stands from dingy clubs” Jess said matter-of-factly. “You’d be better off waiting for someone you actually like”

I sighed and rested my head against her shoulder “S’ alright for you lot” I knew she was right but I’m 21 and not once in my life have I felt a connection with anyone. Never gone weak at the knees for anyone, never wanted to just cuddle in bed with someone and definitely never been in love. Maybe there’s something wrong with me, I’m just some sort of freak, destined never to fall in love or fit in with society.

I sighed again before getting up “I’m off to bed” I said, receiving a chorus of goodnights as I left the room. The happiness that radiated from all four of them made me feel sick at times but I couldn't feel any bitterness towards them as they never rubbed it in my face.

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I awoke with a groan at the piercing sound of my alarm before rolling over and unsuccessfully trying to turn it off with my eyes still shut. After a few stubborn minutes I opened my eyes and hit the machine with full force, resulting in a crash and an unintelligible yell of protest from Joel or Kieran in the next room. I lay tangled in the covers for a few more minutes trying to summon the strength to move. I couldn't think of a good enough reason and was about to roll back over when my stomach rumbled so I rolled the other way and out of bed.

I got ready in my usual style - like a zombie - ambling around the flat with a dour expression set on my face. I peeked out the curtains while applying my mascara. Oh fucking joy, its raining. Not just raining, it was tipping it down. I sighed - yeah I do a lot of that - and began hunting for my umbrella. I looked up as I heard the creak of a door and saw Joel floating towards me, like seriously, I swear if I couldn't see his feet I would have worn he was actually floating. He looked like a fricking dark angel with his almost-black curly hair, deep brown eyes and an incredibly serene smile etched onto his tanned chiselled face, Joels cheekbones were something of a legend.

"How can you be so happy this early?" I asked with my head half in a box, not giving up on this umbrella which I swear I could have seen yesterday.

"Why shouldn't I be?" he questioned back "I have wonderful friends, a wonderful boyfr-"

"Did someone have wonderful sex last night? I said cutting him off mid sentence.

"Ooh you're such a cynic" he retorted "But yes" and a sickeningly blissful smile crept across his face.

How is it possible for him and Kieran and Tanya and Jess and so many other people to find such happiness while I was stuck wondering if it would ever be my turn. Huh probably not.

"Hey babe" I looked up and saw Kieran walking over to Joel and sitting in his lap. Kieran was the opposite in terms of appearance to Joel. He had poker straight blonde hair, piercing pale blue eyes and his face was much rounder than Joels. Kieran turned himself around so that he was straddling Joel, their arms were wrapped tightly around the others bare torso as they stared into each others eyes. I was just about to tell them to get a room (to which they would have replied 'we have one') when my hand closed around the damn umbrella and I sprang up.

"Right, see ya later - I'm off to work!" I said wrestling with the stiff door handle. I received a grunt from Kieran which was either an 'okay' or a noise of sexual frustration from being so close to his boyfriend. Probably the later.

"Fine don't bother about me then" I muttered to myself walking down the sodden street trying to dodge the rapidly growing puddles "Probably couldn't wait for me to leave so they could eat each others faces in peace"

I turned the corner at the end of my street and the sight made me consider turning back and going the long way. I might have done if it was a nice day but my feet were soaking already so I carried on with my head down.

"Convert! Convert! Its never too late to convert, give up your soul to Jesus for safekeeping! Burn the straights, being straight is a sin - it makes Jesus weep" The endless torrent of narrow minded, hoarse yells rang out through the street. Most people ignored the man standing alone with far too many banners and signs but none of them seemed affected by what he was shouting, none of them seemed to think he was wrong or that he shouldn't be there. Except for me.

I have never understood what is so horrifically wrong with being straight, I mean its a persons own choice what they do isn't it? I couldn't understand why people thought it was so perverse and wrong. Personally I wasn't straight, I liked girls and jeeze I've been with enough to prove it but I wouldn't be sick at the sight of a boy and girl kissing like most people claimed they would. Some people are straight, I don't actually know anyone who is because they are few and far between, maybe because there's simply not that many or maybe its because they are to afraid to come out and hell I would be terrified of telling people in case they started chasing me with knives and tried to burn the devil out of me. I'm not even over-exaggerating. Especially not about this nutter - who was approaching me fast - he was Christian and claimed to be everything that this world considered good but if someone disagreed with him he got violent, which I'm pretty sure isn't allowed. No matter how angelic you are most of the time. 

I kept my head down and avoided all eye contact but it didn't work.

"Excuse me miss" he half-yelled, grabbing my arm "Can you spare a minute to talk?"

I shook him off my arm and kept walking "M' sorry I'm late" I mumbled, considering breaking into a run before he asked me the question.

He blocked my way with a huge, very intimidating, smile on his face. "What are your views on straights?"

I should have lied, I should have said they're disgusting and I hate them, should have said what he wanted and he would have let me go with a satisfied nod but of course that was too easy for my stubborn brain so instead the words "I don't mind them, they're not doing any harm" slipped past my lips before I could stop them.

He stood stunned at my response and I took my chance to get past him. A few seconds later I heard the words "Scum" and "devil" and a fair few more being flung in my direction. I kept walking, getting faster and faster until his cries were far behind me and for once I was actually pleased to enter through the door of the small café I called my work.

A/N: I wont be posting many notes as they usually annoy me when I'm reading but if you have any comments or tips or questions or anything please ask away. Also I know I'm kind of changing things up, especially when it comes to the Christianity stuff I hope I don't offend anyone as I really don't mean to its just essential to the story. Enjoy! x