Every Ending Is A New Beginning

Studying Stars

I sat down with a sigh.

I had to get out.

Soon.

Today.

If not today, within this week. Our table was dismissed, we got our food, and sat back down. I had a few bites of toast, chugged my water, and got up.

"Got somewhere to be, newbie?" A boy at my table said, looking annoyed.

"Yeah, kind of." I smiled at him half-heartedly and ran up the stairs.

I quickly changed into my jeans, slipped on a shirt, and didn't worry about my hair. As I half-tripped half-ran down the stairs, Josh waited at the bottom.

"Where are you going?" He snarled.

"I've got somewhere to be." I said as I pushed past him to the door. He grabbed my wrist and pulled me back.

"No, I have to talk to you."

I jerked away from him. "No. Later."

"Je-" He called after me, but was cut off when I slammed the door. That was a different side to him i had never seen, and i didn't want to see it again. Why did i listen to Josh? Why did I think I fit in here? Why did I think these people were anything like me? I sighed. I'm so naïve. I always think I've found somebody and then, faster than I can blink, something proves me wrong.

I shoved my hands into my pockets and began walking quicker. I watched my breath seep into the cold air, like steam from a kettle.

I pushed open the door to the office, and quickly walked past the people in the waiting room. I walked straight into room marked Reader, and didn't bother for him to acknowledge me.

"I need to find my parents. Now. Today." I demanded.

He smirked. "That's not possible. I can find them in the next week, but that's a long shot. Sit down."

"I don't want to sit down I wa-"

"I found something about your birth parents. Do you want to hear it or not?"

I sat down in the chair, frowning. "Tell me."

"Alright. I've done some research, with some help from some others in the office, and I've found that your birth parents are European. English to be exact. In fact, you were born there. I have their names, but I just need to find their current address. Maybe you have siblings. Or maybe your birth parents are dead. Either way, yo-"

I cut him off and angrily stood up. "Don't you dare say that! After everything I've been through you have the nerve to say they might me dead? They are my last hope. I'm living at the foster house run by teens for God's sake!"

Mr. Reader cringed. "Oh. You're part of that bunch now." He sighed. "Well, I'll see what I can do. Don't bother coming back until next Friday. I won't have anything before then."

I didn't bother saying goodbye. The last thing this man deserves is courtesy and I'm not exactly worried about my manners. My phone began to ring, and still irritated, I answered it.

"What?" I said in a rather displeased tone.

"Well, good to here from you, too."

"Caroline!" I exclaimed.

"Yes, I know, I'm you're favorite cousin. I called to apologize for my mom. She's a bit, well, you know." I smiled. Evil, terrible, horrid. Yeah, I knew.

"It's about time." I said as I walked down the pavement.

"Yeah, she went on lockdown after you left. No phones, no contact with the outside world. It was bad."

"Sounds like a blast." I began to approach the door to the house.

"If that's what you want to call it. So do you want t-"

The door to the house bursted open before my hand could touch it. Josh reached out, grabbed my phone, and shut it, ending my call for me.

"What is your problem?" I half-screamed at him.

"You're my problem! I know you want to leave! I could see it all over your face this morning."

"And do you have a problem with that? Am I not allowed to leave?" I scowled.

"Actually, you're not." He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. "Look, there are a lot of kids who can't afford this right now, but, me being the merciful guy I am, I told them they can pay me later. You are one of the only kids who can give me a steady flow of cash. Feeding all these kids, paying for this house... It isn't cheap."

"Maybe you should learn to be less merciful." I tried to brush past him, but he grabbed my arm.

"You can't leave." The hard expression on his face disappeared and his grip on my arm loosened. He now looked only desperate. "Please."

I opened my mouth but words didn't come out. "Josh, I-" I sighed. "I can't stay. Not for you. Not for anyone. I have to find my family. They're all I have."

"But this house is all I have." He dropped my wrist. "I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry too."

*6 DAYS LATER*

The last 6 days had been unbearable. I don't relate to any of the people here, I don't have any friends, and it's impossible to sleep with all that's rushing through my mind. I've noticed that I haven't cut in a long time, but maybe it's just because I don't have time. Of maybe I don't want to make time. I know I'm not happy. I know I'm not relaxed. So why I haven't cut is inexplicable to me.

I sighed as I leaned against the headboard.

11:48

7 more hours and 12 minutes until Carl's office would be open. 7 more hours and 12 minutes until I would be out of this place for good.

Or so I hoped.

I still had a reasonably large amount of money left, but with paying Josh and Mr. Livingston, it wouldn't last for long. At least not while I was paying both of them.

I had a thousand thoughts running through my head, it's no wonder I couldn't sleep.

Why did my birth parents give me up?

Did I have siblings?

What were they like?

Were my birth parents dead?

I pushed the thought to the back of my mind. No, I wouldn't accept it. Not after all that's happened.

I looked out the window and studied the stars. It's sad that all of those stars are already dead. It's weird though, because we can see them, and they look so close, but they're not there anymore. I've always found it interesting that people wish on stars. I don't get it. Maybe it's because you know you'll never reach the stars, you'll never touch them. But why put your dreams on them if you'll never reach them?

Maybe people like stars because stars are always constant, unlike everything else they can't control. They look so innocent, shining in the darkness, giving people the impression that they can help find the way.

But I don't like stars. Because they are lies within themselves, pretending to exist. They don't grant wishes. They don't make shapes, or tell stories. They're just there until one day when their light runs out. Until one day, you have to give up on them. And realize that even the stars lie, just like every other thing in this life.

I turned away from the window. I don't need the stars.

I've heard enough lies to last a lifetime.