Everything Is Ephemeral - phan

6/6

Phil Lester wants Dan back.

He is destroyed, shattered and in pieces.

Dan Howell died two days ago after sending his parents, Lucas and Phil a text. The text Phil received completely and utterly destroyed him.

Dan liked him. Dan Howell liked him. Phil could've saved him, but instead decided to save his non existent dignity. He isn't worthy of anything, he's an idiot, a coward. He let Dan Howell die.

Phil should've done something, and that thought haunts him as he paces in his bathroom, a packet of pills in his own hand this time instead of in Dan's hands.

He sinks to the cold tiles, sobbing heavily in the corner. He could've done something, anything, he could've saved Dan. Why didn't he? Because he's a insecure, self absorbed, a-grade asshole, that's why.

Phil keeps crying for as long as he can remember. His eyes are now sore and puffy, he has run out of ways to mentally assault himself for being so stupid, he has run out of energy, he has run out of everything except hurt and guilt.

He looks at the pills and sighs, throwing them on the ground in front of him and sighing deeply. His eyes are now sore and bloodshot, his vision blurry, his heart empty and aching and his whole self is tired.

Dan Howell: Phil's first best friend, his first betrayal, his first love and now his first loss.

Phil Lester will never get Dan Howell back.

// end //