Second Date

Chapter 1: Riff Raff! Street Rat!

Chapter 1: Riff Raff! Street Rat!

It suddenly occurred to Mr. and Mrs. Darling:

"Peter Pan is a riff raff! Street rat!"

"Ohhhh..." Mickey Mouse replied. "I don't buy that! Ha-huh!" Happily, Mickey winked at his magical entourage of friends. "Get it? The movie line? From Aladdin?"

"Good one Mic!" said Goofy.

"Kkkkkcheeeeheeheeheehee!" cackled Donald Duck.

"Very witty!" agreed Minnie Mouse.

"Arf!" Pluto said.

The Darlings were not amused. Neither was Captain Hook.

"Permit me, dear mouse, to clarify." Captain Hook swept between the Darlings. His reflection gleamed across the golden floors of Cinderella's Castle. "Tis a very delicate matter. Please, open your fantastically oversized ears."

Ooooo. Donald, Goofy, and Pluto cringed. Point Captain Hook.

"Okie dokie." Mickey wriggled a finger inside his ear. "Shoot! Why is Peter Pan a riff raff, street rat?"

Minnie bounced on her hot magenta heels. Go Mickey baby. Go!

Captain Hook's moustache curled into devil's horns. "That boy is a flying rat! A ne'er do well imp that leads a raucous band of ruffians, cavorts with pixies and heathens, cuts pirates to pieces, and arbitrates his destiny to never grow up. Oh rue that blasted red-headed-pointy-eared-green-tight-wearing-dagger wielding deviant of Disney!"

Mickey lifted his chin, waiting. Donald and Goofy gave Captain Hook two more points: the rant was impressive.

"Annnnnnnnd..." Mickey prompted. "So far ya've summarized the movie Peter Pan..."

Donald, Goofy, and Pluto high fived. Point Mickey!

"So what's the problem?" Mickey Mouse asked.

"Perhaps," Captain Hook leered at Donald and Goofy. "You've forgotten: Peter Pan also snatches young ladies from their bedrooms. At night. Scantily dressed."

Deliberately, Captain Hook glanced to Mr. and Mrs. Darling. "Unsupervised."

Yikes. Minnie thought. Not good. Be careful Mickey!

"Unsupervised?" Mickey scratched his ears, this time because he was confused. "We're talking about Wendy, right?"

"Yes!" Mrs. Darling gushed. "Yes, Mickey Mouse! Yes! My poor little Wendy! My baby! You see, every day she roams The Magic Kingdom -"

"-with that rascal Peter Pan!" boomed Mr. Darling.

"-dancing, greeting children, playing hide and seek - " continued Mrs. Darling.

"-with that rascal Peter Pan!"

"-until very, very late at night!" blubbered Mrs. Darling. "Performing in the light show, watching the fireworks, farewelling the Disney World visitors - "

"-with that rascal Peter Pan!"

"-and the next day it's the same thing!" Mrs. Darling gasped, faint with horror. "Dancing, singing, fireworks, and games - "

Mr. Darling shook his fists. "-WITH THAT RASCAL PETER PAN!"

Donald, Goofy, and Pluto blinked. They didn't know who should get the point, but considered giving it to Mr. Darling.

Mickey rubbed his jaw. He considered the Darlings. "Mary. George. Didn't ya watch the movie? Wendy told ya what happened. In detail. Ya saw it. As a matter of fact - "

Mickey spread his hands. "-ya lived it!"

Yup. Donald, Goofy, and Pluto agreed. Point Mickey. Score was 2 to 3, advantage Hook.

"Ya should know..." Mickey continued, trying to reason with the hysterical Darlings. "Peter and Wendy are good friends. Good friends, very compatible. Why in pop culture they've even become something of a couple - "

Mrs. Darling clutched her chest. Mr. Darling gagged. Captain Hook raised a brow.

"-and as a matter of fact!" Mickey hopped in his throne. Boy oh boy was he on a roll! "That's why I paired Wendy with Peter in their Disney World duties! Kids love them! Plus, Peter protects Wendy from...certain parties..."

Mickey glared at Captain Hook. Donald, Goofy, and Pluto awarded Mickey another point to tie the score.

"So, tell me." Mickey Mouse smiled kindly at the Darlings. "Why the fuss?"

"Well!" Mr. Darling huffed and Mrs. Darling earnestly nodded. "As Captain Hook explained to us - "

"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh." said Mickey, Minnie, Donald, Goofy, and Pluto. It was all beginning to make sense. Captain Hook the slimeball plays the vendetta card again.

"Mr. and Mrs. Darling." Mickey surveyed the Darlings over invisible spectacles. "Wendy is a good girl. Very sweet. Very bright. Don't you trust your daughter?"

The Darlings stammered, a little loss for words.

Minnie smiled: Mickey had that effect on people. It was a mouse thing.

"I should think." Captain Hook interceded, leaning as to whisper in Mrs. Darling's ear. "That Peter Pan and little Wendy's...ohhhhh, how do I say this delicately?... involvement is quite improper."

"Quite!" Mr. Darling spluttered, finding his voice. "Yes! Yes! Quite! Imm-proper! Boy never asked my say so in the matter! Never once knocked on the door, asking how'd you do! Just jumped through her nursery window in the dead of night and...and...oh dear God..."

Realizing the atrociousness of his statement, Mr. Darling clutched his wife for support. "...oh dear God! Love England and save the queen!"

Imploringly, Mrs. Darling wrung her hands. "Oh please Mickey Mouse! Please! End this Peter Pan nonsense! Won't you please, pardon Wendy from her Magic Kingdom errands?"

"No can do Mic!" Goofy lifted a finger as Donald produced an officially stamped document. "She's a main character, ah-hyuck! She's under contract! Signed by Walt Disney himself! She's gottaperform for the little kiddles!"

"Yeah!" Donald stuck his tongue at Captain Hook. "She's gotta perform! Kkkkkcheeheeheehee!"

"I'd be delighted to replace Peter Pan." Captain Hook wickedly smiled. "And escort Miss Wendy through the Disney World parks."

"Huh?" Goofy stuttered.

"Aroof?" Pluto said.

"WHAT!?" Donald squawked.

Minnie and Mickey traded uneasy glances. Uh oh.

"Would you?!" Mrs. Darling pressed Captain Hook's hand (his good one) to her chest. "Oh dearest captain! Would you watch my little Wendy?"

"The pleasure..." Gallantly, Captain Hook bowed. "Is all mine."

"HA!" Donald blurted before Goofy and Pluto could clamp his beak.

Captain Hook restrained his ire, but Donald was next on his Victims-To-Walk-The-Plank list. Soothingly, Captain Hook patted Mrs. Darling's wrist. "Wendy may accompany myself and Smee. With the Pixie Hollow fairies."

Minnie rolled her eyes. Even better.

"Is..." Mickey Mouse gazed sadly at the Darlings. "...is this really what ya want?"

"Yes!" the Darlings insisted. "Yes! Oh please! Peter Pan is a rascal and rotten to the core! Unsafe for poor Wendy! He never once appropriately courted!"

Pluto whimpered. Minnie dabbed her cheeks. Goofy puckered a lip. Donald muttered darkly. Aww phooey! Mickey and Captain Hook were still in a dog-gone tie!

Drearily, Mickey re-scribed Wendy's Disney World contract. "Court? Ya mean date?"

"What have you!" Mr. Darling wiped his brow, very much relieved. "Court? Date? This is Disney World - our stories are written! People simply don't date!"