Second Date

Chapter 14: EXTREME Makeover

Chapter 14: EXTREME Makeover

It was finally date night!

And everyone was miserable.

"What are you talking about? What do you mean the glasses suck?"

Jim Hawkins glared at Edna Mode through black square-rimmed glasses. They had magically appeared with rest of Edna's design for his 'real world' outfit. "It means they freaking suck."

Edna was personally insulted.

"It's called hipster, Dahling!"

Edna removed her own signature frames. "Look! I have the hipster glasses as well! Do I need them? HA! No! But you ask: why do I wear them?"

Edna donned her glasses. Haughtily she flipped her bob. "Because they are fabulous, Dahling!"

Jim rolled his eyes. "Hipster is so mainstream."

If Edna had a gun, she would have shot him.

"Mainstream? I? MAINSTREAM?"

Edna Mode was a fashion designer. Actually, she was an obsessive-compulsive self-proclaimed genius mascaraing as a fashion designer. She embraced the power of perfection, and believed that those who claimed perfection was unattainable were either (1) not trying hard enough or (2) dead.

Edna was her own greatest cheerleader and her own worst critic. She strove for originality. She craved a challenge. As a result, her clothing styles were always a blend of creativity, beauty, and efficiency. And they werenever, ever mainstream.

"Mickey the Mouse begged me to design your silly date outfits!" Edna said. "Begged! Disguise them as real people, he said! Design for a first date, he said! Edna you are fabulous, he said!

"I look - " Jim motioned, "-ridiculous! This whole get-up is ridiculous! Except for the hat-" Jim consented, touching the backwards newsboy, "The hat is cool. But the rest - ridiculous."

"The rest - " Edna corrected. "-is fabulous Dahling!"

"I - " Jim said. "-disagree! Change it!"

"Change it? Change it! You cannot change a masterpiece, Dahling! Would you change Beethoven's Symphony No. 5? Would you change Van Gogh's Starry Night? Would you change The Princess Bride movie script? Would you change Thor's six pack? Would you change Godiva chocolate? And The David! Ah! Michelangelo's masterpiece sculpture The David! Would you change The David?"

"I'd give him boxer briefs!" Jim roared. "Now change my clothes!"

Edna refused.

"Your clothes are perfect!" Edna pointed furiously at each article. "Newsboy cap -backwards! Glasses - hipster! Dark wash jeans -best fit! Boots - combat! Blazer - black. Shirt - graphic-tee with a movie reference thatNOBODY understands!"

"It's freaking Dr. Who!" Jim growled, yanking his shirt.

"You see!" Edna shrieked. "This outfit is perfect! It is the embodiment of your rotten attitude and poor taste! But most of all - IT. IS. FABULOUS!"

"Fabulous my ass!" Jim tore off the glasses. "You messed up my vision! I had perfect eyesight before! Now I can't see without these things!"

"So put them on, Dahling! Your 20/20 vision will return at midnight, along with your filthy rags."

"I'd rather die than go out in public looking like a creep!"