Her Calling

A Better Understanding

"Rupali!"

She hadn't noticed his reaction at all until then. His face was blanched and he was trying to grab the wall to support his trembling knees. She rushed to him and held his hands.

"I'm sorry, I scandalized you!" she mumbled an apology and led him to the bed. Paritosh' head spinned, as fragments from his memory bubbled up.

"Ah! Then you are in the right company. Prof. Khanna. My Kaku is very enthusiastic about the cause."

"Take his money, if you must. But keep him away from your work."

"Now tell me something, if ten-year olds can endure those crimes, why can't twenty-year olds try to understand it? Tell me Prof. Khanna? Kaku?"

"Who do you fancy you are, Prof. Khanna? My father? Even Kaku doesn't fancy that, do you Kaku?"

"I am an orphan."

"How is that possible?" he finally felt stable enough to talk and found his voice back, "He always sounded so..."

"Loving! Yes - that he always was. 'What we have, Rupa, is very special. Nobody else will understand it.' He probably didn't think he was being manipulative. He was convinced of the specialty of it."

"Such deceit..." Paritosh found it impossible to shake off the image of an indulgent uncle.

"She is a spirited sort of girl, Prof. Khanna. Please don't mind her cheekiness."

"It's all hers, anyway. If she wants me to finance the rest, Prof. Khanna, who am I to refuse?"

"I cannot refuse her anything. That has probably spoiled her..."

"He is not deceiving anyone. He doesn't think of himself as an abuser, a criminal. 'You won't say it, but you understand what we share, Rupa. I know it.' He still says that and doesn't notice my dismay."

"How did it stop?" he asked; then turned apprehensive, "I mean... it did stop, didn't it?"

"Yes. I grew up. I grew out of confusion and realized that I didn't have to endure what was happening. I also grew stronger, while he was ageing and growing weaker. I was fifteen, when I finally gathered courage, pushed him away and just said 'no'. That was all it took!"

She had been calm till now. But that memory made her break down. "Why didn't I do it sooner?" she sobbed into her hands. Paritosh hesitated for an instant, but then put his arms around her. She leaned on his shoulder, sobbing even harder, "Why didn't I do it sooner?"

"You did well, Rupali. You were brave. Don't ever blame yourself," he assured her repeatedly until she calmed down.

"I don't know in what words to apologize," he said afterwards.

"You don't need to. How could you have known? Nobody did; even people who were much closer to us..."

"But nobody kept dismissing you as a spoiled brat like I did. Repeatedly, I think, despite being proved wrong every time."

"Because you found me ungrateful to my uncle. Don't worry," she smiled sadly, "You are not alone there either. Everybody thinks so, even my aunt, though I am never disrespectful to her."

"I am sorry. I really am. For everything you have endured. For everything I did wrong..."

"Stop it Prof. Khanna. It wasn't your mess to untangle..."

"The one time you tried to seek help, my presence stopped you. I wish you had gone to him though, Rupali..."

"I was losing my mind over you; then having to talk to someone who knew you, it was impossible."

"You had gone there because of me?" he had always suspected that. But after this revelation, he assumed otherwise.

"'Because of you' is a strong expression. But I was all muddled up."

"When I finally spoke to you in the park, you had sounded fine until I mentioned dinner with..."

"I had given up on you. I had concluded that it was madness to hope. That had brought some peace."

"And then you came here to lose it again?"

"I hadn't planned it this way..." she looked away embarrassed.

"I am not complaining. Relax."

"Two things that intrigued me, both pointed in your direction."

"My work here and your criminal psychology research?"

She nodded. "Before you mentioned that project, I had never thought about my... experience... as a crime that should be understood. Anger, shame and revenge were the only feelings I had known. But when you asked how criminals are made and how to prevent them from being made, it resonated. Just marking him as an insensitive, immoral person, corrupted by the power he had over his orphaned niece doesn't explain it at all. He had too much to lose. Yes - I remained silent because I didn't understand at first, then I was afraid, then ashamed, and finally concerned about my aunt and how society will react to any revelation. But his risk was still too great. Once slip was all that it needed for him to be outed. How did he carry on then? He could not have kept up the pretense of innocence for so long, that too before me, even after I had said that final 'no' and it had stopped, if he didn't genuinely believe himself to be innocent. And if he was just insensitive, how come the rest of the world didn't feel so too? It is something much more complex. I could get him punished, but you were right in your assumption. It won't stop another one like him because he'd never make the connection. He would be acting on that 'special connect', not realizing that he is committing a heinous crime. Yes - there simply are uncouth, reckless criminals too, who don't rein in their worst impulses despite knowing the consequences. But think of all these celebrities, people in the position of power, people who should know better, who are outed for their sexual crimes, often against children. All of them have too much to lose for it to be just a manifestation of power they wield over their victims. It's probably an illness, an addiction,a compulsion that needs to be controlled, cured and kept in check with timely intervention. But we don't know anything about it. When I say something like this, it sounds like I am trying to defend these people. But that's not the point at all. I, for one, would never, ever defend them. I even want my revenge. If my aunt were to die tomorrow, I'd like to see him behind bars the day after. But until we understand and prevent, there would still be more and more victims."